Categories
Digital Movies & TV Movies & Television (Videos) Online Videos THREE STOOGES-Related TV Episodes & Movies TV Series (Specific Episodes)

THREE STOOGES: “JERKS OF ALL TRADES” (1949 ABC TV PILOT)

SUMMARY:          Running Time: 21:00 Min. (Black & White)

Directed by George McCahan, this obscure ABC TV pilot envisioned the Stooges as inept handymen bumbling their way through a new odd job each week.  Columbia Pictures (as the Stooges’ big-screen employer) opposed this would-be venture as a breach of contract.  Hence, the one-and-done “Jerks” remained unavailable to the public for approximately fifty years.  

As crackpot interior decorators, the Stooges send uptight would-be client, Mr. Pennyfeather, literally out the door with their hard-nosed antics.  Pennyfeather’s equally-snobby wife unknowingly hires the trio for the same gig.  They’re supposed to repaint and roll out fresh wallpaper in the Pennyfeathers’ living room to impress her husband’s boss for a dinner party that evening.  Moe, Larry, & Shemp turn the couple’s home improvement project into a full-blown disaster zone.      

Moe: Moe Howard

Larry: Larry Fine

Shemp: Shemp Howard

Mr. Pennyfeather: Emil Sitka

Mrs. Pennyfeather: Symona Boniface

Mr. Phink: Dink Trout

Announcer: Uncredited

REVIEW:

Yikes!  It’s a dreadful effort from Moe, Larry, & Shemp.  Ironically, by blocking “Jerks” for a half-century, Columbia Pictures did the aging Stooges a back-handed favor.  “Jerks,” had it been released, might well have inflicted permanent damage to the Stooges’ future TV prospects.  Instead, less than ten years later, Screen Gems’ gradual release of the Stooges’ old Columbia shorts to TV syndication skyrocketed the trio’s popularity with a new generation of fans.  

Still, this pilot’s undemanding premise for a weekly series makes sense, particularly in the Golden Age of Television.  “Jerks,” however, is sabotaged by inexplicably poor execution.  Case in point: the Stooges’ awkward mugging introducing themselves to the camera in the opening moments foretells how bad this show will be.  From that point on, amateurish production gaffes: i.e. a weak script, poor cinematography, and the Stooges’ tired performances makes the cheapo-looking “Jerks” a total waste of twenty minutes.  Sadly, watching “Jerks” in its entirety seems far longer.  

Entertaining a live studio audience (or maybe it’s a rudimentary laugh track), the Stooges are forced to cram together far too many bland schtick routines.  Capable of big laughs, veteran Stooge foils Emil Sitka and Symona Boniface are reduced to merely looking mortified and/or appalled.  Dink Trout’s amusing pressure-cooker salesman (especially, his cartoony voice) should have helped, but his cameo role is stretched far past its welcome.    

Given the right creative elements, “Jerks of All Trades” should have been a savvy career move for the Stooges.  The opposite sadly occurs — in comparison to their better Columbia misadventures, “Jerks” comes off as a Stooge eyesore best forgotten.

Note: In the early 1970’s, the Stooges (Moe, Larry, & Joe DeRita) tried again with a scenic TV venture entitled Kook’s Tour.  Once more, it never actually aired — as Larry Fine’s career-ending stroke, during the pilot’s filming, effectively retired the Stooges.  

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 3 Stars

IMAGE NOT AVAILABLE

Categories
DVD Movies & Television (Videos) THREE STOOGES-Related TV Episodes & Movies TV Series TV Series (Specific Episodes)

THREE STOOGES: “MALICE IN THE PALACE” (1949)

SUMMARY:        Running Time: 16:00 Min. (Black & White)

Directed by Jules White, this black-and-white Three Stooges sitcom is among the four of its 190 two-reel Columbia Pictures comedies in the public domain.  The others are: 1936’s Disorder in the Court; and 1947’s Brideless Groom and Sing a Song of Six Pants.  All four titles are also available elsewhere in a colorized format.    

As low-rent restauranteurs somewhere in the Middle East, Moe, Larry, & Shemp bumble-and-stumble into a hush-hush conspiracy between their two ruffian customers.  At stake is the fabled 100-carat ‘Rootin-Tootin’ Diamond.  Disposing of these ruthless hoods, the Stooges use a stolen map to plot their own heist to rob the vile ‘Emir of Schmow’ of the diamond. 

Assuming that they can infiltrate the gangster’s palace and elude the Schmow’s fearsome bodyguard, nabbing the gem for a big reward should be a cinch.  Or will it?      

Moe: Moe Howard

Larry: Larry Fine

Shemp: Shemp Howard

Schmow’s Bodyguard: Everett Brown

Emir of Schmow: Johnny Kascier

Palace Guard: Joe Palma

Hassan Ben Sober: Vernon Dent Haffadolla: Frank Lackteen

Ginnaromma: George J. Lewis  

Note: Meant as a cameo, a near-unrecognizable Curly Howard’s footage as the Stooges’ chef was deemed unusable by Columbia Pictures.  Re-working the kitchen sequence, Larry replaces Curly as the chef.  The only known evidence left of a mustachioed (and much thinner) Curly’s almost-presence in this episode is a production still. 

REVIEW:

In all fairness, Malice in the Palace rates as one of the Stooges’ best Shemp-era (1946-1955) shorts.  Its most inspired element is a crass extended gag where Moe & Shemp are forced at knife-point to taste-test their suspicious customers’ meals.  Larry’s distractions in the kitchen are perfectly synchronized to his buddies’ growing discomfort. 

This extended gag sequence is followed by more well-played chuckles, including an ingenious idea where the Stooges’ map offers a potpourri of campy wordplay re: various fictitious countries and geographical locales.  The joke, however, is near-sabotaged by the camera freeze-framing far too long on the map (so viewers can catch all the puns).  

Despite this glitch, Malice in the Palace (including an impromptu game of leap-frog with the Schmow’s bodyguard) literally hits its targets often enough to make this jewel heist worth catching. 

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 7 Stars

Categories
DVD Movies & Television (Videos) THREE STOOGES-Related TV Episodes & Movies TV Series TV Series (Specific Episodes)

THREE STOOGES: “SHOT IN THE FRONTIER” (1954)

SUMMARY:         Running Time: 16:00 Min. (Black & White)

Directed by Jules White, this Three Stooges sitcom spoofs Gary Cooper’s iconic 1952 Western film, High Noon.  Immediately after marrying their far-younger brides, cowardly saddle-sores Larry, Moe, & Shemp are jilted for not defending their wives against the scurrilous Noonan Boys. 

With the sheriff unavailable to intervene, the skedaddling Stooges can’t skip town fast enough before their nasty rivals (dressed in classic villain black) can perforate them as lead pin-cushions.  It’s up to Moe, Larry, & Shemp to muster the courage for a wild shoot-out to win their sweethearts back.   

Moe: Moe Howard

Larry: Larry Fine

Shemp: Shemp Howard

Ella: Vivian Mason

Stella: Ruth Godfrey White

Bella: Diana Darrin

Lem the Guitar-Playing Cowpoke: Emmett Lynn

Noonan # 1 (Bill): Kenneth McDonald

Mandy: Babe London

Noonan # 2 (Dick): Mort Mills

Sheriff / Justice of the Peace: Emil Sitka

Noonan # 3 (Jack): Joe Palma

REVIEW:

As Emmett Lynn’s off-key guitar player nearly steals the show, the cartoony “Shot in the Frontier” rates among the better capers from the Shemp era (1946-1955).  Instead of the Stooges bashing one other, this episode emphasizes their fun teamwork against desperate odds.  Including some nifty tombstone wordplay, a string of violent gags parodying Western shoot-em-up’s delivers the goods. 

Further, utilizing an outdoor Western frontier town set adds worthwhile scenery.  Curiously, what ought to be a predictable finish (an irritated Moe settling a score vs. the guitar player) shifts to a low-key Shemp moment.  To this episode’s credit, a sentimental touch proves a nice alternative to another crass gag.  

Earlier, an energetic music cue accompanying the Stooges’ attempted getaway is an unforced gaffe.  Its sound implies a track lifted wholesale from some silent-era slapstick chase scene.  The music’s sped-up beat is entertaining, but its pacing doesn’t mesh with the far slower Stooges. 

More problematic is the eyesore of the fifty-something Stooges implausibly hooking up with actresses a good thirty years younger.  Suffice to say, it’s cringe-worthy viewing.  The fact that both the runaway brides and the ever-dangerous Noonans are pure caricatures also adds next to nothing.    

Despite these weaknesses, the Stooges’ ode to High Noon is more satisfying than expected.  Even for casual fans, “Shot in the Frontier” proves the trio’s derided mid-fifties misadventures still had a few sparks left.      

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 6 Stars

Categories
THREE STOOGES-Related TV Episodes & Movies

THREE STOOGES (2000 ABC TV MOVIE)

SUMMARY:            Running Time: 88 Min. (Color / Black & White)

Televised on ABC in April 2000, this biographical film was co-produced by Columbia/Tri-Star Pictures and Mel Gibson’s Icon Productions.  Filmed in Australia, director James Frawley adapted author Michael Fleming’s 1999 book: From Amalgamated Morons to American Icons: The Three Stooges. 

Mostly told from Moe Howard’s point-of-view, the film takes a fictionalized glimpse of the young Howard Brothers (Moe, Shemp, & Curly) working as a blue-collar comedy trio at New York’s Luna Park in 1912.  Shifting to 1959, the movie depicts a sixty-something Moe as an embittered errand boy for ungrateful Columbia Pictures executive Harry Romm.  Pressed by a young Boston TV executive to set up a Stooges reunion gig, Moe poignantly reflects on the trio’s thirty-plus year run.

As boozy Ted Healy’s unappreciated employees, Moe, Shemp, and Larry Fine spend years working the vaudeville circuit before their Hollywood movie debut: “Soup to Nuts” misfires.  The film’s failure effectively severs their already-stormy relationship with Healy.  Working as a comedy trio, the future Stooges scores decent vaudeville success before a disenchanted Shemp quits the act. 

According to this movie, Shemp and later Curly similarly deem Moe an overbearing bully like Healy.  Replacing Shemp, Moe & Larry recruit exuberant Jerome “Curly” Howard to launch ‘The Three Stooges.’  Signed to a Columbia Pictures movie contract extending nearly a quarter-century, the Stooges’ fame is recreated through glimpses filming ten of their Columbia black-and-white two-reel films.   

Between Curly’s declining health and Columbia’s undermining of the team’s popularity, the situation climaxes in 1946 with Curly’s career-ending stroke.  Shemp reluctantly returns as Curly’s successor.  After the tragic deaths of Curly and then Shemp, an aging Moe & Larry sense that their livelihoods are in jeopardy.   Finally persuaded by the persistent Boston TV executive, Moe & Larry come out of retirement to recruit Joe DeRita as a new Stooge for a pivotal live stage gig. 

The film’s brief written epilogue mentions how Larry’s passing and then Moe’s, both in 1975, finally brought the curtain down on the Stooges.    

Moe Howard: Paul Ben-Victor

Helen Howard: Rachael Blake

Larry Fine: Evan Handler

Mabel Fine: Anna Lise Phillips

Shemp Howard: John Kassir

Gertrude “Babe” Howard: Jeannette Cronin

Ted Healy: Marton Czokas

Jerome “Curly” Howard: Michael Chiklis

Tom (TV Executive): Joel Edgerton

Joe DeRita: Peter Callan

Harry Romm: Brandon Burkes

Joe Besser: Laurence Coy

REVIEW:

In fairness, there’s an opening disclaimer spelling out that viewers are getting a dramatization rather than a glorified documentary. Presenting the Stooges’ historic run (from 1925 to 1959) in montages, it’s not surprising that this well-intentioned effort crams far too much into a standard-length TV movie. 

Putting aside factual inaccuracies, omissions, and unsubstantiated rumors (i.e. that an unemployed Moe was Romm’s has-been errand boy), the movie does a relatively solid job.  Terrific cast performances, for instance, compensate for lapses into preposterous fiction (i.e. Healy confronted backstage by his gun-wielding girlfriend/wife re: his flagrant womanizing; or, in a posh restaurant kitchen, having three legendary movie studio heads simultaneously bid the incredulous Stooges with rival job offers).     

This bio-pic’s main asset is casting, most notably a spot-on Michael Chiklis.  Sporting inspired chemistry, Paul Ben-Victor’s Moe and Evan Handler’s Larry are also consistently terrific.  The same applies to Rachael Blake and Anna-Lise Phillips playing Moe & Larry’s loyal wives.  However, one glaring contradiction arises: the actresses’ aging make-up is expertly-applied –yet, the same doesn’t apply to their male counterparts.  Ben-Victor’s aging make-up is at best serviceable, but neither Evan Handler’s Larry nor John Kassir’s Shemp seemingly age over the thirty-plus years seen in the film.  

As a low-key Shemp, Kassir is believable, despite the script playing up the eldest Stooge’s reputation as a neurotic worrywart — it’s a shame to see whimpering conveyed as Shemp’s primary trait.  Also, it’s a fair guess that neither Healy’s heirs nor Joe Besser’s are thrilled with their unflattering portrayals.  In contrast, Chiklis’ take on Curly ‘soitenly’ (pardon the expression) exceeds all expectations, especially when expressing his child-like personality.  Only Curly’s re-enacted screwball antics come off as a rehearsed impersonation by Chiklis. 

Seen briefly, the montages of the Stooges filming some of their comedies is another weak spot.  Instead of these awkward recreations, the producers should have integrated black-and-white footage of the real Stooges to better convey their comedy magic.  Suffice to say,  Handler, Chiklis, and Ben-Victor are far more adept portraying the off-screen Stooges than they are mimicking their wacky film personas.  

Despite its various problems, this Three Stooges homage is still a nice treat for fans.       

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 6½ Stars

IMAGE NOT AVAILABLE

Categories
Books & Novels Pro Wrestling (Books) Sports (Books) WWF/WWE (Pro Wrestling)

WWE ULTIMATE SUPERSTAR GUIDE

Written by Steve Pantaleo & Illustrated by Daz Tibbles

SUMMARY:

Published by DK/BradyGAMES and WWE Books in 2015, this 208-page hardcover pairs cartoony color portraits and brief character bios/stats for approximately two hundred male and female pro wrestlers spanning multiple generations.  Each portrait is accompanied by a thumbnail upper-body photo of the actual wrestler.  As applicable, also tagged for each biography are individual honors such as: WWE Intercontinental Champion; WWE World Champion; King of the Ring winner; Money in the Bank winner; Royal Rumble winner; U.S. Heavyweight Champion; Women’s/Divas Champion; (NWA or WCW) World Heavyweight Champion; WWE World Tag Team Champion; and, of course, WWE Hall of Famer. 

REVIEW:

Though somewhat outdated, this fun ‘superstar guide’ embellishes this WWE roster to full-fledged cartoon status, at least judging by the impressive comic book-style portraits.   Some high-profile names (i.e. Owen Hart) aren’t included for various contractual and/or legal reasons.  The larger-than-life, single-page portraits seem reminiscent of the WWE All-Stars arcade-style video game. 

Controversial elements of various storylines are wisely omitted from the biographies, though one unsavory tidbit re: Big Boss Man is inexplicably included as a side note on his page.  Still, this book’s wonky sense of alphabetical order means that most of the wrestlers are alphabetized by their first names and or even by a nickname, such as “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan being oddly listed in the ‘H’s.’  

Meant for avid 10-and-under pro wrestling fans, the WWE Ultimate Superstar Guide is generally well-played.  

ADDITIONAL CONTENT:

There is a two-page introduction that includes an explanation re: the icons designating various individual honors. 

ROSCOE & BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 8 Stars

Categories
Books & Novels History & Biographies (Books) Pro Wrestling (Books) Sports (Books) WWF/WWE (Pro Wrestling)

TRIBUTES II: REMEMBERING MORE OF THE WORLD’S GREATEST WRESTLERS

Written by Dave Meltzer of “The Wrestling Observer Newsletter”  

SUMMARY:

Published by Sports Publishing LLC in 2004, this 239-page hardcover sequel by pro wrestling journalist Dave Meltzer assembles posthumous biographical profiles of fifteen pro wrestling notables.  Of them, Owen Hart and André the Giant, previously appeared in the 2001 predecessor, but Tributes II revises their profiles.  The new profiles consists of: 

  • “Classy” Freddie Blassie; “British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith; and “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig.
  • The Sheik; Stu Hart; Gorilla Monsoon; Johnny Valentine; Road Warrior Hawk; and Wahoo McDaniel.
  • “Mr. Wrestling” Tim Woods; Terry Gordy; Ms. Elizabeth; and Lou Thesz   

Meltzer’s biographies focus on each subject’s pro wrestling career and legacy re: the industry.  Anecdotes and reminiscences from their contemporaries are included.    

REVIEW:

More than an anthology of exploitative obituaries, this stylish sequel’s profiles don’t even include the years of birth and death. In some instances, the subject’s passing isn’t even mentioned. Yet, there are a few curious exceptions.  Case in point: in more depth than before, Meltzer re-examines Owen Hart’s controversial death in 1999.

Then, most of Elizabeth’s chapter describes her tragic demise in 2003 instead of conveying her 1980’s star power as Randy Savage’s glamorous spouse/on-screen manager.  While summarizing her career, Meltzer curiously doesn’t mention how a demure Elizabeth Hulette was well-regarded by her colleagues, though various wrestler memoirs (i.e. Bret Hart, Hulk Hogan) fondly do so.  

Another quirk is that WWE Hall-of-Famer Greg Valentine isn’t mentioned in his own father’s profile.  Instead, his dad’s eleven-page bio ends with a side box describing the senior Valentine’s propensity for disgusting pranks.  Of all places, Greg Valentine is briefly referenced as a co-worker in the bio on “Mr. Wrestling” Tim Woods, as Woods, Johnny Valentine, and Ric Flair were victims of a well-documented mid-1970’s plane crash.  

Still, Meltzer’s trivia bits are fun: i.e. McDaniel was the first-ever Miami Dolphin (and future President George H.W. Bush was his Little League coach); a young Bruno Sammartino once faced Thesz for the NWA World Title; Hennig preferred his WCW ‘West Texas Redneck’ gimmick over his WWE ‘Mr. Perfect’ persona; an elderly Thesz’s industry involvement into the 1990’s; and the list could go on.  Commentaries from Dory Funk Jr. & Terry Funk; “Superstar” Billy Graham; Bobby Heenan; Nick Bockwinkel; Bret Hart & Ross Hart; Bill Watts; and Michael Hayes, among others, prove keenly insightful.  Archival quotes from the subjects themselves (i.e. McDaniel) further bolster this book’s impressive depth.        

Meltzer’s propensity for anecdotes, however, muddles some wandering narratives jumping back and forth across several years.  Hence, a lack of an index is a head-shaking oversight. Suffice to say, the index in Tributes I was helpful. Still, Meltzer doesn’t play favorites, as these biographies are well-balanced and diligently pay respect to each subject’s contributions to pro wrestling.  

ADDITIONAL FEATURES:

Further bolstering this book’s credibility, Bret “Hit Man” Hart provides a thoughtful foreword.  In addition to acknowledgments and his own mini-autobiography, Meltzer delivers a helpful introduction.  Answering shoot-style questions on a DVD, Meltzer elaborates on many topics referenced in Tributes II

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 8 Stars

Categories
Books & Novels History & Biographies (Books) Pro Wrestling (Books) Sports (Books) WWF/WWE (Pro Wrestling)

TRIBUTES: REMEMBERING SOME OF THE WORLD’S GREATEST WRESTLERS

Written by Dave Meltzer of “The Wrestling Observer Newsletter”  

SUMMARY:

Published by Winding Stair Press in 2001, this 182-page hardcover by pro wrestling journalist Dave Meltzer pens posthumous biographical profiles honoring twenty pro wrestling notables, who passed away during the 1990’s.  Specifically, this volume reflects on:

  • Owen Hart; Brian Pillman; “Ravishing” Rick Rude; André the Giant; and Bruiser Brody.
  • Fritz Von Erich; Kerry Von Erich; Yokozuna; The Junkyard Dog; and Giant Baba.
  • “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers; “Big” John Studd; Ray Stevens; Louie Spicolli; and Art Barr.
  • “Hot Stuff” Eddie Gilbert; Boris Malenko; Dino Bravo; Jumbo Tsuruta; and Gordon Solie.   

In straight-shooter fashion, Meltzer’s biographies explore each subject’s pro wrestling career, including his legacy re: the industry; and, to varying extents, the circumstances surrounding each death.   

REVIEW:

Mostly overcoming this project’s morbid aura, author Dave Meltzer somberly offers terrific journalism instead of exploiting glorified obituaries.  Within each biography, there is intriguing material re: how its subject has earned his place in pro wrestling’s controversial history.  Further, Meltzer readily acknowledges the dark irony of pro wrestling as a callous industry/fantasy sport that typically prioritizes greed and protecting other self-interests over any hint of compassion.  In some instances, Meltzer discusses (if not directly identifies) personal demons of his subjects, without reducing these matters to tabloid trash.  The author also readily acknowledges how some of them (i.e. Giant Baba, Owen Hart, Gordon Solie) were well-respected by their peers.     

Tributes, however, suffers from sporadic typos and occasional continuity gaffes (i.e. wrong dates; glaring run-on sentences) that hamper Meltzer’s narrative.  As well-researched as this retrospective is, Meltzer’s classy sequel, 2004’s Tributes II (which restructures the profiles of Owen Hart and André the Giant), is a better overall read. 

ADDITIONAL FEATURES:

Meltzer includes a dedication and acknowledgments.  Jeff Marek provides the foreword.  Meltzer’s index proves handy. 

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 7 Stars

Categories
Books & Novels Pro Wrestling (Books) Sports (Books) WWF/WWE (Pro Wrestling)

THE BUZZ ON PRO WRESTLING

Written by Scott Keith

SUMMARY:

Published by Lebhar-Friedman Books in 2001, this 217-page paperback is meant for casual fans and long-time fanatics alike.  Including a timeline of major events, the history of pro wrestling dating back more than a century is summarized.  Early chapters describe basic moves/holds, promos, ringside weapons of choice, money-making strategies, and industry lingo, as matters of common knowledge.  Biographies discuss these pivotal wrestlers: Hulk Hogan (parts I & II); Roddy Piper; Randy Savage; the British Bulldogs; the Honky Tonk Man; Ted DiBiase; Ric Flair (parts I & II); Lex Luger; and Sting – primarily re: the 1980’s.  

Exploring the mid-nineties, further biographies profile the Ultimate Warrior; Shawn Michaels; Kevin Nash; Scott Hall; Bret Hart; and the Undertaker.  The implosions dooming the AWA, WCCW, and Jim Crockett’s version of the NWA are also explained.  Hints of an error-prone WCW soon following them into oblivion proves accurate foresight.  The last leg covers the notorious ‘Monday Night Wars.’  Sections include biographies re: Eric Bischoff; the New World Order (NWO); The Rock; Triple H; Steve Austin; and Bill Goldberg.  As to its impact on both major wrestling companies, the WWE’s ‘Montreal Screwjob’ of 1997 is also explained.    

REVIEW:

Definitely well-written!  Even if a few scant details are incorrect (i.e. no, Roddy Piper wasn’t really born in Scotland), author Scott Keith’s research and related conjecture is spot-on, or, at a minimum, it’s plausible.  Readers get a pretty good sense of self-involved antics in an industry of professional egomaniacs.  To Keith’s credit, he doesn’t play favorites, as his snarky skepticism rightly jeers wrestling’s dubious 80’s-90’s misfires insulting its fanbase’s intelligence. 

Further, recurring incidents of backstage sabotage by notorious me-first guys like Hogan and Michaels add to the mayhem – it’s akin to discovering an addictively backstabbing soap opera lurking behind the soap opera.  Aside from an unnecessary photo re: Owen Hart’s fatal 1999 accident, this book’s only downside is that the material is outdated.  For wrestling buffs seeking a refreshingly down-to-earth blast from the past, Keith’s Buzz on Professional Wrestling is tough to pin.  More so, this Buzz deserves a chance for re-discovery.      

ADDITIONAL FEATURES:

Beyond a generous assortment of black-and-white photographs, there’s a helpful table of contents and index.  The author also acknowledges Dave Meltzer, Wade Keller, and Michael Samuda as among his sources.  

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 8 Stars

Categories
Basketball Books & Novels Sports (Books)

THE BIG BOOK OF BASKETBALL: THE NBA ACCORDING TO THE SPORTS GUY

Written by Bill Simmons 

SUMMARY:

Released by Ballantine Books and ESPN Books in 2010, sports journalist Bill Simmons lets his hyper-active commentary rip in a 735-page softcover analysis of the NBA.  Overloaded with footnotes, Simmons begins with ‘The Secret’ of basketball (hint: unselfishness is a vital component).  He tackles the Russell vs. Chamberlain debate; and then an era-by-era breakdown of the NBA’s evolution.  Next up is his hypothetical ‘what-if’ scenario game where he imagines what likely might have occurred, had certain players had gone elsewhere; revised drafts and trades; and games that impacted the NBA’s future.  Simmons also examines various ‘MVP’ controversies and offers his proposed corrections.  

For chapters six through eleven, he literally rebuilds the Basketball Hall of Fame from the ground up, as if it were a pyramid.  Starting at the bottom, players that Simmons deems worthy are profiled, as he gradually works up four levels until there is his ‘Pantheon’ of the NBA’s thirteen greatest players at the peak.  Some players are profiled side-by-side, as Simmons compares, for instance, Charles Barkley vs. Karl Malone, Dan Issel vs. Artis Gilmore, and George Gervin vs. Sam Jones.  Near the end, which Simmons dubs “The Legend of Keyser Söze,” he analyzes the NBA’s greatest squads in terms of dominance, including how the present-day salary cap would have impacted them.  In “The Wine Cellar,” Simmons assembles an immortal team by cherry-picking players from their best seasons.     

The finale is a 2009 sit-down chat he shares with Bill Walton re: life after basketball and the deep meaning of that ‘Secret,’ as how it pertains to their perceptions of Kobe Bryant.

REVIEW:

There’s no question that the verbose Simmons crams multiple books into one.  His incessantly snarky humor alone is epic, as it even further permeates an unending stream of footnotes.  Still, there are several refreshing stretches, such as the Hall of Fame player profiles, that are worth perusing.  His flippancy (i.e. a footnote dig at George McGinnis’ hapless propensity for turnovers — or a reference to the 80’s NBA coach perms trend — straight from the ‘Mike Fratello collection’) is frequently LOL hilarious.  

Yet, an unrestrained Simmons doesn’t grasp when to finally shut up or refrain from locker room-caliber profanities and icky analogies.  His exuberant ridicule of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Vince Carter, and Rick Barry, among others, is amusing, but even Simmons acknowledges that his bulldozer approach comes off pretty thick.  There’s a few sexist jibes targeting the WNBA (plus a cruel dig directed at actress Bridget Moynahan) that makes one wonders why ESPN permitted such misogynistic putdowns to see print.   

As gifted as a writer Simmons knows he is, his no-holds-barred ranting is easier to digest in far smaller bites.  As seen in a collaborative format (i.e. 2018’s Basketball: A Love Story), where he is among countless other contributors, one can better appreciate Simmons’ sometimes golden insights, that is — when properly edited. The Book of Basketball is a great occasional resource, but the author’s grating super-fan ego over-indulges itself far, far too often.    

ADDITIONAL FEATURES:

Black-and-white trading card-style images of players decorate the start of each chapter. Beyond an obligatory table-of contents, there is the author’s introduction and a brief foreword from Malcolm Gladwell.  Simmons also includes acknowledgments, a bibliography, and a much-appreciated index.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 6 Stars

Categories
Basketball Books & Novels Sports (Books)

BASKETBALL: A LOVE STORY

Written by Jackie MacMullan; Rafe Bartholomew; & Dan Klores

SUMMARY:

Released in 2018 by Crown Archetype (an imprint of Crown Publishing Group), this 436-page hardcover compilation is a literary companion to the same-named ESPN documentary directed by co-author Dan Klores.  Compiled from the same 165 interviews from 2014-2017 with a cross-section of basketball luminaries (i.e. players, coaches, executives, owners, and reporters) used for the documentary, the diversified topics cover seventy years of the sport.  Presented as an informal oral history, as if it were a group discussion, the varying participants discuss:

Note: The italicized chapters indicate a short follow-up to the prior topic.

  • Glimpses from Magic Johnson; LeBron James; Kobe Bryant; Cheryl Miller; Bill Bradley; Moses Malone; and so many others on their childhood discovery of basketball;
  • The Celtics vs. The Lakers; 
  • Wilt Chamberlain’s legendary 100-point game; 
  • Chamberlain’s rivalry with Bill Russell;  
  • Basketball’s history with racial inequality; 
  • Oscar Robertson’s anti-trust lawsuit vs. the NBA;
  • The impact of Title IX and the growth of women’s basketball (including Becky Hammon’s rise as an NBA assistant coach);  
  • The legacy of the Immaculata women’s college team of the early 1970’s; 
  • The early impact of gambling, point shaving, and player blackballing on the sport; 
  • John Wooden’s legacy (including his enduring influence on his protégés) ; 
  • NCAA championship coaches reflect on winning the national title; 
  • Team USA’s Olympic history (1956-1972); 
  • More childhood memories from basketball legends; 
  • The ABA; 
  • Frank McGuire and Dean Smith’s development of the UNC men’s program; 
  • Mike Krzyzewski’s career, starting as a protégé of Bobby Knight; 
  • Larry Bird & Magic Johnson;
  • Bird’s memorable 1987 Eastern Conference Finals steal & the Detroit Pistons Reaching the NBA Finals;
  • Exemplified by the 1970’s New York Knicks, the city’s contributions to the sport; 
  • The rivalry between Pat Summitt and Geno Auriemma; 
  • Cheryl Miller
  • Basketball legends discuss their own hoops heroes during their youth; 
  • Input on Michael Jordan as the sport’s greatest-ever player; 
  • The 1992 Dream Team; 
  • The rise of the WNBA;
  • The impact of international players, including Hakeem Olajuwon, Tony Parker, & Dirk Nowitzki; 
  • The Lakers rivalry of Shaquille O’Neal & Kobe Bryant; 
  • The San Antonio Spurs’ team-oriented style;
  • The Current NBA, including LeBron James and the popularity of ‘Small Ball;’ and
  • The spiritual impact of basketball.

REVIEW:

This insightful anthology is the equivalent of multiple books compressed into one.  Predictably, there are sporadic dull stretches, as some chapters are more long-winded than necessary.  Still, the intimacy of Basketball: A Love Story allows readers to sit in on these thoughtful ‘group discussions.’  For instance, anecdotes re: the wild and fistfight-happy ABA era is an eye-opener, particularly as to how its anything-goes mystique would forever impact pro basketball.  The same applies to recollections of some ex-New York Knicks describing their hard-fought path to a pair of championships in between dominant title runs by the Celtics and Lakers.  

While the book’s primary focus is the pros, its various chapters pertaining to the college ranks and, particularly, the evolution of women’s basketball are also worth devouring.  A quote from Larry Bird summing up Mike Krzyzewski’s magnetic coaching ability alone: “(he) is believable,” is among the illuminating and candid assessments offered by these contributors.

For sports aficionados, this hardcover really is a gem.               

ADDITIONAL FEATURES:

Separated into two sets of eight, there are sixteen pages of black-and-white and color photos.  The co-authors provide an introductory note and acknowledgements.  Besides a table-of-contents, there is also a very helpful index. 

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 9 Stars