Category: The Ratings Game

Categories
Blu-Ray Digital Movies & TV DVD Movies & Television (Videos) Sherlock Holmes-Related The Ratings Game

THE RATINGS GAME: BEST & WORST OF BASIL RATHBONE’S SHERLOCK HOLMES FILMS

In tribute to Basil Rathbone & Nigel Bruce’s Sherlock Holmes movie legacy, Odd Moon Media Reviews offers its candid assessment of their 1939-1946 movie franchise. 

Twentieth Century Fox produced the first two films in 1939 with first-caliber budgets allowing reasonably close adherence to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s storytelling.  Curiously, the second entry (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes) shares the name of an actual Conan Doyle short story anthology; however, the movie is really a loose adaptation of William Gillette’s popular 1899 same-named stage play.    

Contractual issues with the Conan Doyle estate stalled the Basil Rathbone/Nigel Bruce franchise for three years until Universal Pictures revived it with cost-effective changes.  Due to streamlined budgeting (and a practical nod to war propaganda), the films’ setting was updated to the wartime 1940’s.  Further, these subsequent Rathbone/Bruce films lifted various elements from Conan Doyle’s tales rather than freely adapting a Holmes title like The Hound of The Baskervilles.  In a few instances (i.e. Sherlock Holmes in Washington), the original screenplay is even devoid of Doyle’s work.         

Released in quick succession, Universal’s twelve entries are of a generally consistent caliber.  For instance, Universal’s rotating stock ensemble where character actors inhabit different roles throughout the series (i.e. three different actors portray ‘Professor Moriarty’) might give observant viewers a sense of déjà vu.  Hence, judging these films objectively becomes somewhat harder than it sounds. 

Gauging their current watchability, the entire roster of films are ranked below in reverse order. 

ANALYSIS:

14. Sherlock Holmes in Washington (1943)   71 minutes.  Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: At England’s behest, Holmes and Watson go to Washington, D.C. to help retrieve missing microfilm that the Allies can’t dare let fall into enemy hands.  Their ruthless opposition is an international spy ring that will readily eliminate anyone getting in their way.  

Apart from Holmes & Watson’s chauffeured tour of the city’s national landmarks, the film is merely a wartime espionage caper without an actual mystery to solve.  Quoting Winston Churchill, Rathbone’ Holmes supplies one of the franchise’s many poetic tributes to England’s allies.  Though Rathbone & Bruce are easy to watch, their Washington, D.C. adventure is forgettable. 

13. Dressed To Kill (1946)   72-76 minutes.   Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: A femme fatale is at the center of a murderous counterfeiting scheme involving stolen British engraving plates. 

Franchise fatigue is personified by Rathbone’s phoned-in effort, as he subsequently quit the series.  It’s no wonder, considering this tired cliché-fest pitches multiple elements (i.e. a brunette femme fatale, an elaborate treasure hunt, etc.) weakly recycled from previous installments.  Dressed To Kill isn’t necessarily horrible viewing, but its unimaginative plotting fails to conjure up anything worthwhile or even new for fans.         

12. Pursuit To Algiers (1945)   65 minutes.    Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: After faking his death in an airplane crash, Holmes rejoins Watson and a prince under their protection on an overseas voyage to the nation of Algeria.  Plotting against them onboard, of course, is a murderous ring of foreign spies, who don’t want the handsome, young king-in-waiting making it back to the city of Algiers alive.

Hampered by minimal plotting, Pursuit To Algiers resorts to several musical numbers to obviously pad its running time.  Still, routine cast performances led by Rathbone and Bruce only worsen the storyline’s dull and eye-rolling predictability (i.e. a formulaic romance subplot).     

11. Sherlock Holmes and The Voice of Terror (1942)   65 minutes.    Universal Pictures (Director: John Rawlins). 

Premise: In wartime London, Holmes & Watson are recruited to aid British Intelligence in thwarting a Nazi cell group from decimating England one insidious terrorist attack at a time. Meanwhile, the group’s unseen leader issues ominous taunts and threats to the public via live radio. 

The movie’s purpose is again war propaganda, as the arch-villain is meant to resemble real-life British traitor/Nazi war propagandist, ‘Lord Haw-Haw.’  Packing a few intriguing surprises (including Evelyn Ankers’ great performance), The Voice of Terror is by no means unwatchable.  It’s just that this package, as a whole, is a middling endeavor, as compared to Rathbone & Bruce’s better installments. For instance, Holmes’ climatic deductions are pulled seemingly out of nowhere and depriving viewers a fair chance to guess the ringleader’s identity.

Of interest, a deliberate nod to the franchise’s new setting has Watson gently scolding Holmes into donning a contemporary fedora vs. his iconic deerstalker cap before they depart from their Baker Street lodgings.

10. Terror By Night (1946)   72 minutes.    Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: During an overnight train ride, a mysterious killer searches for an elusive prize hidden onboard.  All that stands in the culprit’s way is Holmes, Watson, and Dennis Hoey’s befuddled Inspector Lestrade.  

Even if this whodunnit falls far short of Murder on The Orient Express, using a train as the primary crime scene is at least a welcome change of pace for this series.  More so, deploying a different Conan Doyle villain (instead of a fourth Moriarty) helps Rathbone and Bruce make Terror By Night easily watchable.  

9.  Sherlock Holmes and The Secret Weapon (1942)   68 minutes.    Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: Professor Moriarty (Lionel Atwill) has abducted a pivotal Swiss scientist for the Allied cause.  Parts to construct his captive’s experimental bombsight, however, are hidden in multiple locations.  Hence, Moriarty races Holmes to decipher a baffling code first to unlock their whereabouts one by one.  After being taken prisoner himself, Holmes risks a torturous death to thwart Moriarty’s scheme. 

Crisp and well-played, the film’s plotting makes for solid entertainment.  Atwill’s chemistry as the second ‘Moriarty’ matching wits with Rathbone proves just as good as he had been as ‘Dr. Mortimer’ in The Hound of The Baskervilles three years earlier.

8. Sherlock Holmes Faces Death (1943)   68 minutes.    Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: Watson is the on-call physician at the Musgrave family’s posh British manor, which is serving as a convalescence home for mentally disturbed war veterans.  As the Musgraves are brutally killed off one by one, Holmes, Watson, and Dennis Hoey’s Inspector Lestrade stumble upon an ancient family ritual possibly spelling doom for all involved.

For a routine whodunnit, neither the culprit nor the motive is much of a surprise.  Still, Sherlock Holmes Faces Death makes for worthwhile viewing, as its sense of campy suspense rides first-class.      

7. The Woman in Green (1945)   68 minutes.  Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: Reminiscent of Jack The Ripper, a fiendish serial killer is targeting women and then sending each victim’s severed finger to taunt the baffled authorities.  Holmes suspects that a series of subsequent suicides committed by guilt-ridden prime suspects is an extortion scheme hatched by Professor Moriarty (Henry Daniell).  A complication is Moriarty’s alluring blond accomplice, who uses hypnosis to reel in expendable victims.  

Daniell’s performance as the franchise’s third-and-final Moriarty coldly mirrors Rathbone’s Holmes, making them ideal on-screen foes. Daniell might have made a decent Holmes himself, but his Jeremy Irons-like acting style lacks Rathbone’s timeless panache.  As for the film’s contents, be forewarned that its grisly shock value (much like The House of Fear) somehow bypassed the era’s strict censors.  With most of the plot’s nastiness inferred and/or occurring off-screen, The Woman in Green effectively injects film noir into the Holmes/Moriarty rivalry.            

6.  The Spider Woman   (1944)   62 minutes.    Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: Having faked his own demise, Holmes subsequently goes undercover to probe a suspicious series of deaths plaguing London.  As he suspects, the common link is a cold-blooded female ‘Moriarty’ and her use of a lethal spider venom. 

Often overlooked, The Spider Woman’s best noir asset is Gale Sondergaard’s devious criminal mastermind, making her an intriguing new foe for Holmes & Watson.  By far, Sondergaard prevails as the franchise’s signature femme fatale.  Including the shooting gallery sequence, there is a welcome aura of unpredictability percolating in the plot.  Though the film’s running time is perhaps a few minutes too short, The Spider Woman merits a chance for rediscovery. 

5. The Pearl of Death   (1944)   69 minutes.    Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: A criminal gang’s deadly ransacking search of London for an elusive pearl includes a giant-sized, silent henchman.  Dubbed ‘The Creeper,’ this behemoth brutally kills prey with his bare hands.  Holmes and Watson may realize too late that they are facing more than one adversary.

Though this comic book-style ‘Creeper’ should be facing off vs. either Batman or James Bond, this Universal movie monster is a potent challenger for Rathbone’s Holmes.  Despite its otherwise formulaic plotting, The Pearl of Death concocts an underrated gem (pardon the pun) for viewers.

4. The Scarlet Claw (1944)    74 minutes.    Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: During an occult convention visit to Canada, Holmes & Watson are recruited to help snare a ghostly serial killer utilizing a bloody claw-like weapon for vengeance.  Reaching a remote Canadian village where the murders are accumulating, the two detectives must pursue their elusive quarry in a nocturnal fog. 

Along with director Roy William Neill, Rathbone and Bruce are at the top of their deductive game in a gothic chiller worthy of Universal’s other movie monsters.  A terrific Holmes hat trick would be viewing The Pearl of Death, The Scarlet Claw, and The House of Fear together – arguably, they are Universal’s three best mystery-thriller entries in this series.

3. The Hound of The Baskervilles   (1939)   80 minutes.    Twentieth Century Fox (Director: Sidney Lanfield). 

Premise: The storyline is a relatively close adaptation of Conan Doyle’s iconic novel, as Holmes and Watson pursue a bloodthirsty ‘apparition’ stalking members of the Baskerville clan on the Scottish Moors.

In terms of first-class production values, this gothic Hound meets all expectations.  Its only limitation is, as with the novel, the plot’s mid-section drags without Holmes present.  For anyone seeking a faithful black-and-white rendition of Doyle’s most celebrated Holmes tale, this one is highly recommended.

2. The House of Fear (1945)   69 minutes.    Universal Pictures (Director: Roy William Neill). 

Premise: In a secluded Scottish village, the local castle’s residents are being gruesomely killed off one by one.  Each grisly murder is foretold by the receipt of an ominous packet of orange pips.  The insidious rub is that each victim’s life insurance policy is subsequently split amongst their housemates – calling themselves ‘The Good Comrades Club.’  Hired by the suspicious insurance company, Holmes and Watson’s subsequent arrival (along with Scotland Yard) only accelerates the culprit’s haunted-house scheme.   

Deftly blending ghoulish off-screen carnage with well-played humor, this macabre cinematic cocktail nearly equals the classic And Then There Were None from that same year.  As long as one doesn’t ponder a gaping plot hole, The House of Fear’s sheer Halloween entertainment value is tough to beat.    

and at Number # 1 …

1. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1939)   81 minutes.    Twentieth Century Fox (Director: Alfred L. Werker). 

Premise: Set in the mid-1890’s, Holmes is frustrated that Professor Moriarty (George Zucco) escapes the British court system’s death penalty on a legal technicality.  Subsequently, with their young female client being stalked by vicious killers, Holmes & Watson try to protect her and the woman’s family.  Worse yet, Holmes senses that an elaborate ruse is masking Moriarty’s most audacious heist ever.  

Exceptionally well-played!  Including Holmes’ undercover turn on a British vaudeville stage, this film’s entertainment value assembles a timeless Holmes mystery worthy of Conan Doyle.  With Rathbone and Bruce in peak form, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes is the franchise’s crown jewel. 

Notes: Four of these films: The Secret Weapon; The Woman in Green; Terror By Night; and Dressed To Kill have long since shifted into the public domain, with colorized versions subsequently released.  However, all fourteen black-and-white films are now available in remastered DVD, Blu-Ray, and digital formats.

  • Rathbone and Bruce also performed a weekly New Adventures of Sherlock Holmes radio series from 1939 to 1946.  After Rathbone’s 1946 departure, actor Tom Conway replaced him on the radio show. Universal Pictures evidently considered hiring Conway as Rathbone’s live-action replacement, but the studio instead opted to retire the franchise as is.  As for the radio show, Bruce and Conway left the program in 1947.  The New Adventures relied upon character actors afterwards to fill the void before ending its eleven-year run in 1950.
  • For trivia’s sake, though perhaps briefly mentioned once, Irene Adler never appears in these films.
Categories
Movies & Television (Videos) The Ratings Game

THE RATINGS GAME: BEST & WORST OF THE JAMES BOND MOVIES

In tribute to the James Bond movie franchise, Odd Moon Media Reviews offers its own candid assessment.  Ignoring box office numbers, we will consider each Bond film’s watchability.  The twenty-six movies will be ranked in reverse order.

Note: 1967’s spoofy Casino Royale has been excluded.  Ranking it against other Bond films would be the equivalent of comparing Airplane! to the disaster genre it parodies.

ANALYSIS:

26.  A View to a Kill   130 Min. (1985).  Oozing wasted potential, View confirms seven Bonds wasn’t a lucky number for Roger Moore, who was nearing sixty at the time. Unfortunately, Moore’s Bond conveys to hapless View-ers that they’re getting an aging playboy actor instead of the timeless British secret agent playing out this misfired adventure.  

Marred by sloppily edited (and logic-defying) stunt sequences, not to mention, the phoniest-looking ‘spy submarine disguised as an iceberg’ in movie history, View’s quality control is too often dreadful. Case in point: with Moore unconvincingly filming his close-ups from a studio, the eye-rolling pre-credits sequence set in Siberia is the worst-produced in franchise history. 

Between hidden explosive charges detonating exactly on cue, as Moore’s stunt double passes by on a makeshift snowboard (this visual looks so movie set-fake), let alone the cringe-worthy presence of The Beach Boys’ “California Girls” narrating part of the chase, Bond’s ultra-campy Siberian getaway foretells how crummy Moore’s last Bond caper will really be.

Then again, does anyone really care to watch Bond’s icky romance play out with the far-younger Tanya Roberts (sporting a mid-80’s peroxide blonde dye job)?  Or rationalize that the villain’s blimp could actually sneak up behind Roberts’ hapless damsel-in-distress to abduct her? 

Boasting a superior premise to either Moonraker or Diamonds Are Forever (think Goldfinger for a mid-80’s audience), View’s ineptitude insists on squandering this welcome advantage.  Keeping Christopher Walken & Grace Jones as the villains, View’s great ‘what-if’ would have been refurbishing the same script for Timothy Dalton vs. weakly accommodating Moore’s long-overdue exit.  Consistent with a franchise trend, Duran Duran’s dynamite title song far exceeds this dreck impersonating a Bond film.

25.  Diamonds Are Forever   120 Min. (1971).  Big-budget producers best take heed: watch Diamonds (and/or 1983’s Superman III) to grasp why crummy camp humor ruins sequels.  After the somber On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, this half-hearted overreach at making Bond fun again instantly falls flat.  Returning from a four-year hiatus, Sean Connery appears to have aged at least a decade since 1967’s You Only Live Twice. 

Saddled with an insipid script, the worst-ever Bond Girl (Jill St. John), and the weakest Blofeld (Charles Gray), Connery’s indifference only exacerbates this snooze-fest’s shortcomings.  As with Moonraker, a classy Shirley Bassey tune can’t hide a dismal Bond adventure.

24. Moonraker  126 Min. (1979).  Lazily exploiting Star Wars mania, the recycled script merely rockets 1977’s The Spy Who Loved Me‘s premise into orbit.  Among the fatalities of this ludicrous ‘Bond in Space’ plot is reducing Spy’s formidable ‘Jaws’ (Richard Kiel) to a kiddie favorite worthy of The Addams Family’s Lurch.  As Bond’s rival spy, frosty scientist/astronaut ‘Dr. Holly Goodhead’ (Lois Chiles) is a dull Americanized clone of Spy’s alluring ‘Agent Triple-X’ (Barbara Bach). 

An excess of derivative sci-fi cheese (i.e. the laser gun shootout) becomes as inevitable as the Roger Moore era’s stale assortment of quips and gimmicks.  Still, this movie’s most cringe-worthy mistake is the demise of Corrine Cléry’s effervescent Bond Girl — as Moore’s irritatingly smug Bond couldn’t care less abandoning her to a grisly fate. The film doesn’t even bother to mention her again — had the plot carefully done so, perhaps seeing Bond’s conscience flinch over failing to save his temporary accomplice/love interest would have imbued this movie with a welcome touch of humanity.  

Aside from Moonraker’s scenic locales, only Shirley Bassey’s dreamy title song is salvageable.  To Bassey’s credit, she somehow projects a poignant analogy between finding one’s ideal soulmate in marriage with, of all things, a space shuttle. 

23.  Die Another Day 133 Min. (2002).  Concurring with other reviewers, the film’s sole plus is Halle Berry’s spinoff-worthy ‘Jinx.’ As for Pierce Brosnan, by condoning the plot’s preposterous excesses (i.e. the invisible car), he unwittingly makes himself Die Another Day’s fall guy.  Desperately upping the big-screen ante to surpass The Bourne Identity and Mission Impossible, several tone-deaf gambles (i.e. Madonna’s unnecessary cameo; the villain’s racial identity swapping) sabotage Brosnan’s fourth Bond past the point of no return.

Unlike Roger Moore (with 1981’s For Your Eyes Only following Moonraker), Brosnan wouldn’t be afforded the same opportunity he deserved to redeem the franchise’s dignity. Blame for this high-concept mess should square land on the director, the misguided screenwriters, and, of course, the producers.  As proof of Die Another Day’s awfulness, just subject yourself to Madonna’s title song.  And the less said about John Cleese’s scene as the new ‘Q’ the better.   

22. The Man With the Golden Gun   125 Min. (1974).  Aside from its weak, disco-flavored title song, Golden Gun’s ultra-contrived, comic book plot is the least remarkable in franchise history.  The corkscrew car stunt is still astonishing, but such obvious choreography doesn’t improve Golden Gun’s clunker script.  Case in point: why must the lame plot insist upon supposed comic relief per Clifton James’ dim-witted Louisiana bayou sheriff from Live and Let Die? 

Still, it’s amusing to see guest baddies Christopher Lee & Hervé Villechaize resembling a sinister precursor to Mr. Roarke and Tattoo on Fantasy Island.  In the end, the sole practical benefit coming out of Golden Gun is that it effectively cures insomnia.             

21. Live and Let Die   121 Min. (1973).  The franchise’s first rock song, courtesy of Paul McCartney & Wings, is the one enduring asset of Roger Moore’s first Bond.  Otherwise, Let Die is a schlock-fest overloaded with cringe-worthy gags meant to cash in on the era’s African American exploitation films.  Aside from an overlong boat chase, only Yaphet Kotto’s intriguing effort as ‘Kanaga/Mr. Big’ proves notable.  Kotto frankly deserved a better film, along with Moore coming aboard as Connery’s long-term successor.  

20. Octopussy 131 Min. (1983).  Gorgeously produced in India, this congenial caper should have made an ideal exit for Moore’s Bond – mostly, due to his chemistry with co-star Maud Adams.  Yet, Octopussy’s sluggish pacing and its general absence of thrills makes watching this sleep-inducing film too much of a chore.  The lifeless pre-credits teaser is proof itself.    

19. Spectre   148 Min. (2015).  For all its excesses, Spectre mistakes intense violence as a substitute for coherent storytelling.  Worse yet, rebooting the Bond vs. Blofeld feud into a glorified sibling rivalry makes zero sense.  Ultimately, Spectre’s running time prolongs the weakest plot of Daniel Craig’s five Bonds by at least fifteen minutes. 

18. Licence to Kill   133 Min. (1989).  Imbued with an edgy Miami Vice-like vibe, Timothy Dalton’s second-and-last Bond film is a precursor to Daniel Craig’s gritty style launched by 2006’s Casino Royale.  Though well-produced, even its terrific stunt work doesn’t make the humorless Licence fun to watch.  Notes: Licence to Kill was the first Bond film with a PG-13-rating. Another first was that this film went with an original title, as opposed to reusing one of Ian Fleming’s story titles. The film’s British title is License Revoked.

17. Never Say Never Again   134 Min. (1983).  Aided by a likable supporting cast, this breezy caper exploring Sean Connery’s Bond as a middle-aged relic is campy enough without being stupid.  Rebooting Thunderball, Connery’s reliable charisma compensates for Never Again’s lack of franchise polish (i.e. the gun barrel walk; a first-class title song; the presence of Lois Maxwell & Desmond Llewelyn; etc.). 

Despite its troubled production history (i.e. lawsuits and on-set turmoil), Never Again re-establishes that, when Connery was on his game, he was still the definitive Bond.  

16. Tomorrow Never Dies   119 Min. (1997).  Even its original title sounds disappointingly routine.  Though Michelle Yeoh is a welcome presence, Tomorrow is a master class in paint-by-the-numbers, formulaic Bond storytelling.  Brosnan’s comfort zone as Bond (plus a classy visit from Desmond Llewelyn’s ‘Q’) helps compensate for routine paycheck efforts from the supporting cast, particularly Jonathan Pryce & Teri Hatcher. 

Other than the ultra-choreographed motorcycle stunt work, the disappointing Tomorrow takes too few risks to energize viewers.  It’s a decidedly lukewarm encore to Brosnan’s exciting debut in GoldenEye.

15. You Only Live Twice   117 Min. (1967).  Though he is hardly inspired, Twice is still the best of Connery’s three Bond exits.  The allure of its exotic Japanese setting is probably the movie’s best asset.  Growing more outlandish closer to the end, Twice’s SPECTRE-themed plot succeeds in establishing the Bond vs. Blofeld feud. 

Note: Long predating Twice, Agatha Poirot’s pulpy 1927 Hercule Poirot novel, The Big Four, curiously sports some similarities of a worldwide terrorist organization like Blofeld’s SPECTRE.   

14.  The World is Not Enough    125 Min. (1999).  Denise Richards’ ridiculous miscasting as a nuclear physicist is the primary reason why World falls well short of this list’s Top Ten.  Brosnan’s third Bond is far better than Die Another Day, but it doesn’t ever surpass 1995’s GoldenEye.  The inspired pre-credits sequence and Desmond Llewelyn’s final scene as ‘Q’ stand out as this movie’s best.   

13. The Living Daylights   131 Min. (1987).  Overcoming a convoluted Cold War-flavored plot, Timothy Dalton’s debut is satisfying entertainment bringing his no-nonsense Bond to life.  For purists, The Living Daylights is far more traditionally Bond-like than Licence to Kill.       

12. Thunderball   130 Min. (1965).  Even more than Goldfinger, Connery’s Bond goes into full comic-strip mode (i.e. the jet-pack sequence).  Though the underwater sequences bog down its pacing, Thunderball is plenty good to inspire its 1983 remake. 

11. No Time to Die   163 Min. (2021).  Unmistakably, this one concocts the franchise’s worst title.  Far more overindulgent and self-involved than Spectre, its sequel, at least, succeeds in completing Daniel Craig’s epic five-film run. In particular, classy homages to On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is a welcome aura linking Craig’s Bond to the comparatively modest Connery-Lazenby era.   

10. Dr. No   109 Min. (1962).  Making every penny of its million-dollar budget count, Dr. No holds up well.  Hungry for a hit, a young Connery’s star power is worth the price of admission alone.  The only flinch-worthy element is the racially stereotypical way Bond’s Cayman Islander ally, Quarrel, is portrayed.

9. Quantum of Solace   106 Min. (2008).  In a direct sequel to 2006’s Casino Royale, this underrated film gets lost in the shuffle preceding Skyfall and Spectre.  Even if it doesn’t possess as much octane as Craig’s other Bonds, Quantum of Solace easily surpasses the second Bond efforts from Brosnan, Moore, and Dalton. 

8. Skyfall   143 Min. (2012).  As much acclaim as this film merits, the climax is surprisingly formulaic, in terms of relying upon action-genre clichés.  Still, Craig’s Skyfall delivers all the necessary goods, including Adele’s top-caliber title song and introducing most of Daniel Craig’s new MI-6 supporting cast. 

7. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service   142 Min. (1969).  Overcoming its new lead actor’s inexperience and a leisurely running time, George Lazenby’s sole Bond is the franchise’s classiest entry.  With Diana Rigg as the most respected Bond Girl ever, Majesty is a mature spy film any adult can appreciate – especially, if one isn’t a fan of either Connery or Moore.    

6. From Russia With Love  115 Min. (1963).  Featuring Connery’s best-ever Bond performance, From Russia With Love is exquisite entertainment.  It works as both a first-class 60’s spy movie and a wistful Cold War romance.

5. For Your Eyes Only   127 Min. (1981).  As gritty as Roger Moore’s Bond would ever get, this scenic film delivers stunts of nearly every stripe: helicopters, car chases, skiing, underwater action, and mountaineering.  Even its camp humor somehow works, no matter how cheesy it gets.  Moore’s second-best Bond film makes for ideal entertainment.      

4. GoldenEye   130 Min. (1995).  A six-year hiatus following Licence to Kill makes a world of difference.  Director Martin Campbell transforms Pierce Brosnan’s first Bond into a dazzling upgrade for the mid-90’s.  Brosnan’s instant credibility as a seasoned Agent 007 is arguably the most spectacular debut in franchise history.  Justifying a considerable budget (it’s at least double that of Licence), GoldenEye’s every penny goes to impressive use.  Hugely entertaining!  

3. Goldfinger   110 Min. (1964).  Goldfinger risks being overrated considering Sean Connery’s Bond is held prisoner on a Kentucky horse farm for much of the movie’s mid-section.  Still, as most of the franchise’s best gimmicks originate here, Connery’s presence selling them to viewers makes Goldfinger top-caliber fun among the 60’s spy thrillers.  

2. Casino Royale  144 Min. (2006).  Martin Campbell strikes again.  Glamorizing brutally fast-paced, Bourne Identity-style violence, Casino Royale confirms that Campbell can stir two totally different Bond cocktails with equal aplomb.  Daniel Craig’s raw intensity is impressive in this muscle-heavy makeover of Bond’s first 00-mission.  Casino Royale readily earns its reputation as one of the most pivotal Bonds.  

and winning the Number # 1 spot:  

  • The Spy Who Loved Me  125 Min. (1977).  Partially lifting You Only Live Twice’s Cold War plot, this Roger Moore caper often goes can-you-top-this? in becoming the franchise’s all-time crowd-pleaser.  With Moore’s playboy Bond in peak form, every creative element – the stunts (including the iconic pre-credits teaser finish), the set pieces, the villains, Carly Simon’s theme song, campy humor, you name it, etc., falls perfectly into place.  Highly recommended!

Note: For ideal Cold War comedy relief, double-feature options could include either 1976’s The Pink Panther Strikes Again or 1980’s Hopscotch.

Categories
Movies & Television (Videos) STAR TREK-Related The Ratings Game

THE RATINGS GAME: BEST & WORST OF THE STAR TREK MOVIES

In tribute to the Star Trek movie franchise, Odd Moon Media Reviews offers its own candid assessment.  Ignoring box office numbers, we will consider each Trek film’s watchability. 

ANALYSIS:

13. I: The Motion Picture (TMP) (132 Min.+) 1979.  Producer Gene Roddenberry stubbornly insisted upon peddling Trek’s answer to 2001: A Space Odyssey, no matter the cost — let alone deeming every colorful asset the TV series once had as insufficient for moviegoers.  Hence, Roddenberry’s cast and viewers are both stuck with a vastly overblown and condescending retread of the Season 2 episode: “The Changeling.” 

It’s no wonder the sumptuous F/X fail to salvage a middling plot where the cast’s icy performances are totally inconsequential.  Even the reliable Kirk-Spock-McCoy chemistry is forced to convey ‘big screen tension’ rather than welcome fans back to Trek.        

Worse yet, revamping everything from the U.S.S. Enterprise model on down to the drab, gray-footed pajamas posing as Starfleet uniforms sterilizes TMP past the point of no return.  Sadly, even forty-some years later, The Motion-less Picture remains a surefire cure for insomnia. 

12. V: The Final Frontier (105 Min.) 1989.  In most aspects, Final Frontier is a far worse film than TMP.  From a blandly derivative plot (i.e. loosely resembling Roddenberry’s unproduced “The God Thing” concept) to Jerry Goldsmith’s recycled musical score, Leonard Nimoy’s tired acting, weak gags, and the franchise’s absolute worst F/X, Final Frontier pitches far too little that is fresh to viewers. 

The sole reason it even scores a slight nod over TMP is that director/writer/star William Shatner tries to entertain fans, no matter how ineptly – whereas TMP actually dares to lull viewers to sleep.  How exactly Shatner’s team squandered the franchise’s largest budget (during the II-VI era) remains a mystery, but his basic premise of sending out the U.S.S. Enterprise out in search of ‘God’ was doomed to fail from the get-go. 

On a positive note, Hiroshima’s fusion jazz tune, “The Moon is a Window to Heaven,” is a welcome treat on the film’s soundtrack.     

11. X: Nemesis (117 Min.)  2002. Given four years to forget the lackluster Insurrection, there should have been an infinite number of ways to satisfyingly conclude The Next Generation.  Aside from finally marrying Riker & Troi, Nemesis inexplicably fails to deliver any of them.  Resorting to a clichéd assortment of the TV show’s old sub-plots (i.e. a Data duplicate, mind-rape, etc.), Nemesis even swipes Wrath of Khan’s best twist, but its execution invariably falls flat. 

Although both farewell films depict dark vibes, a critical difference distinguishing Undiscovered Country from Nemesis is the geriatric original cast’s concept of a classy exit.  The Next Generation’s cast, in contrast, appears bored in what they evidently sense is a clunker finale.  Their instincts aren’t wrong.   

10. IX: Insurrection (103 Min.)  1998.  One shouldn’t blame director Jonathan Frakes too much for floundering, especially given the bland script producer Rick Berman and his screenwriting team dealt him.  Much like Final Frontier, Insurrection’s fable-like plot is merely an unnecessary sequel and, for that reason, the less said the better.  

9. XIII: Beyond (122 Min.) 2016.  For a 50th Anniversary celebration, Beyond falls far short of anything special.  A nod to the original cast and the J.J. Abrams’ cast sharing of Kirk’s iconic TV series voice-over are classy touches, but the plot, otherwise, displays nothing justifying the film’s awe-inspiring title.  Probably what’s worst is a clichéd twist re: the Enterprise’s fate (for the third time in thirteen films) that confirms Beyond’s screenwriters couldn’t think nearly enough outside the box – pardon the expression. 

8. XII: Into Darkness (132 Min.) 2013.  Already far too derivative of Wrath of Khan, director Abrams insists on shoveling even more fan service (i.e. look for winks at The Empire Strikes Back and Raiders of the Lost Ark) versus concocting a genuine sense of originality. Worse yet, squandering Nimoy’s last appearance as Spock doesn’t help matters, either.  Still, had Benedict Cumberbatch been instead cast as a vengeful Gary Mitchell in an re-imagining of “Where No Man Has Gone Before,” then Darkness might have been an impressively sinister follow-up to 2009’s reboot film.

7. VII: Generations (118 Min.) 1994.  Make no mistake: Generations is a high-concept movie lacking sufficient substance to save the dubious Nexus gimmick being pitched to audiences. Opting for a ham-fisted approach to justify its unnecessary ‘passing the torch’ mantra, the contrived script merely checks boxes on Paramount’s insisted to-do list promoting The Next Generation into the big leagues.  Producer Rick Berman and his handpicked screenwriters’ lack of movie experience is all too evident, as Picard’s Enterprise crew awkwardly shifts into big-budget heroics.

Case in point: with the exception of Patrick Stewart (and Brent Spiner’s mostly annoying performance), the disinterested cast demonstrates minimal effort. William Shatner’s grinning last ride as ‘Captain Kirk’ is his weakest Trek acting; even so, his star power readily outshines his castmates. While Jacqueline Kim’s Demora Sulu is a welcome treat, the weakly-conveyed prologue squanders her introduction in setting up Generations’ storyline. Just the sight of James Doohan’s Scotty during the prologue reciting stilted techno-babble (one suspects from off-screen cue cards) is cringe-worthy. Worse yet, Data’s nerve-grating struggles later on with an emotion chip provide even less incentive to witness the historic Kirk-meets-Picard arc.

Only occasionally fulfilling the studio’s grand intentions, Generations is a mostly mediocre Trek. There’s just no mistaking how the Next Generation’s cast and crew tread their way through a middling, if not preposterous, storyline and uninspired CGI. In retrospect, had the producers instead utilized the Guardian of Forever concept and recruited Joan Collins for a poignant cameo, a reworked Generations could have supplied an ideal 30th Anniversary film in 1996. That way, a nostalgic (and far less ridiculous) premise could have heralded the Next Generation’s 1994 film debut.

6.  III: The Search for Spock (105 Min.) 1984.  Competent but hardly great, Search for Spock spells out that it was produced solely on soundstages. It’s little wonder why the supposedly lush Genesis Planet looks so underwhelming.  Designed as a direct continuation of Wrath of Khan, the film’s bleak tone is peculiar, as it instantly contradicts Khan’s concluding sense of optimism. 

Various plot holes (i.e. Starfleet’s sudden scuttling of the 40-year-old (not 20-year-old) Enterprise; Federation cadet Saavik’s promotion to Grissom’s lead science officer; the total absence of competent Federation security at the Genesis Planet; etc.) chip away at a cookie-cutter storyline sorely missing Nicholas Meyer’s scripting.  The same applies to Nichelle Nichols’ under-utilized Uhura, as she isn’t even allotted a solo scene depicting her escape from Earth to Vulcan.

Unlike the film’s expedited pace, Vonda McIntyre’s solid novelization explores unused sub-plots (i.e. David & Saavik’s ill-fated romance; Scotty’s family grieving over his nephew’s death during Wrath of Khan and subsequent blaming of Kirk; a newly promoted Sulu losing out command of Excelsior’s trial runs to Captain Styles, etc.) that would have been intriguing to see play out on-screen, even if only for a few extra minutes. 

Such what-if’s contribute to director Nimoy’s biggest obstacle (far more than blandly recasting Kirstie Alley’s Saavik), which is that even he can’t hurdle over such a predictably convenient plot. 

5. VI: The Undiscovered Country (110 Min.)  1991.  Though it’s a welcome upgrade over Final Frontier, Undiscovered Country suffers its own self-inflicted detriments.  Besides director Nicholas Meyer’s gleefully eye-rolling excess of Shakespearian quotes, the cast’s coolly detached acting and too many lethargic moments bog down this movie’s entertainment value as a galactic political thriller. Hence, the film is practically blinking in neon that this storyline will be the last adventure for Kirk’s crew – just like it’s hyped in the superb film teaser that co-star Christopher Plummer narrates.

Still, along with George Takei finally receiving his due, the original cast proves it still has potent magic left.  That’s why Undiscovered Country’s last few minutes are absolutely worth waiting for.  It’s the gracious bow that Kirk’s generation deserves. Speaking of which, Kirk’s last Captain’s Log entry is a far more eloquent and appropriate ‘passing of the torch’ than the heavy-handed Generations.     

4. VIII: First Contact (111 Min.) 1996.  Aside from a deliberate continuity glitch (James Cromwell’s cantankerous Zefram Cochrane isn’t even close to The Original Series incarnation), First Contact generally succeeds on all thrusters.  Adapting a militaristic action style reminiscent of 1986’s Aliens, the storyline pitting Picard’s new Enterprise vs. the time-traveling Borg is well-played.  Frakes, in his big-screen directorial debut, delivers all the necessary goods for the franchise’s 30th Anniversary.

3.  IV: The Voyage Home (122 Min) 1986.  Cleverly playing off the cynical mid-80’s, Voyage Home is Nimoy’s comedy masterpiece that retains its family-friendly charm decades later.  Utilizing well-played humor and poignancy, Voyage Home is undoubtedly the franchise’s classiest installment.  Considering the script’s original premise meant to co-star Eddie Murphy, the first-rate teamwork between Nimoy, Meyer, & producer Harve Bennett recrafting this inspired storyline speaks for itself.

2. (XI): Star Trek (127 Min.)  2009.  Scoring big originality points, Abrams’ first Trek sorta-prequel is, by any definition, a resounding triumph.  Exemplified by Zachary Quinto’s new Spock, the reboot cast is mostly in excellent form.  Yet, Nimoy is its true MVP, as his poignant credibility selling the film’s alternate past concept accomplishes exactly what obvious paycheck efforts from Shatner, James Doohan, & Walter Koenig failed to do endorsing Generations.

And, unsurprisingly, the best Star Trek flick is:

1. II: The Wrath of Khan (113 Min.) 1982.  The bottom line is the inspired cast, Meyer, and Bennett’s production team all bring their A-game, which reinvigorates the franchise.  More significantly, Wrath of Khan conclusively proves that Trek wouldn’t need Roddenberry to thrive in the future. 

In closing, thanks in large part to Nimoy & Meyer (Treks II, IV, & VI), the argument that even-numbered Treks best odd-numbered Treks among the first several films appears valid. 

Yet, one can only speculate what Abrams or somebody else will conjure up come Star Trek XIV.  Following Abrams’ inspired reboot, enormous budgets didn’t keep his two sequels from sliding down Hollywood’s mediocrity slope.  Perhaps a collaboration teaming Abrams & Meyer finally makes sense?  Considering that Abrams worked with Lawrence Kasdan on the Star Wars: The Force Awakens, this notion isn’t impossible.  Thanks for reading!       

Categories
DISNEY/PIXAR-Related Movies & Television (Videos) STAR WARS-Related The Ratings Game

THE RATINGS GAME: BEST & WORST OF THE STAR WARS MOVIES

In tribute to the Star Wars movie franchise, Odd Moon Media Reviews offers its own candid assessment.  Ignoring box office numbers, we will consider each Star Wars film’s watchability. 

ANALYSIS:

11. Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker (142 Min.)  2019.  Stunningly awful, a more apt title is ‘The Fall of Skywalker.’  By vastly one-upping the eye-rolling plot devices in Return of the Jedi, one viewing of the incoherent Rise is more than enough.  Conveniently back-peddling story elements from the controversial Last Jedi, the resulting fan service becomes nonsensical.  Further insult is inflicted upon the original trilogy’s icons, as they are again deemed expendable. 

Had Disney insisted J.J. Abrams & Co. spend an extra year reworking their incompetent script vs. rushing the film onscreen, it’s reasonable to believe a worthy series finale should have been accomplished.  By strip-mining the essence of the first six films, all Rise accomplishes is a ridiculously derivative homage that makes the prequels, as a whole, seem almost inspired.   

Note: Given how Rise was supposed to finally conclude the Skywalker Saga, shouldn’t The Last Jedi have made better sense as this movie’s title?     

10. Solo : A Star Wars Story (135 Min.)  2018.  Casting Alden Ehrenreich as Ben Solo might have sufficed for The Force Awakens, but his weak take on a young Han Solo isn’t even in the same galaxy as Harrison Ford.  Donald Glover, Emilia Clarke, Thandiwe Newton, & Joonas Suotamo’s Chewbacca deliver excellent performances, as does Paul Bettany, but the remaining ensemble is forgettable.  Case in point: Woody Harrelson is woefully miscast as Solo’s sleazy mentor, as if the film really needed his distinctive star power. 

Otherwise, the ultra-expensive F/X are this film’s best component.  Had Ehrenreich & Harrelson been effectively replaced, Solo might have lived up to its considerable hype.  Then again, having the screenwriters concoct a more worthwhile caper should have been on the priority list, too.

9. Episode II: Attack of the Clones (142 Min.)  2002. Attack’s overwhelming reliance on green-screen technology equates is reminiscent of watching somebody else play a Star Wars video game for 2½ hours.  Never has George Lucas’ inability to direct live actors been more disappointingly obvious.  Even for die-hards, Clones’ monotony best serves as background noise.  One, at least, finally gets some context re: The Clone Wars. 

8. Episode I: The Phantom Menace   (133 Min.)  1999.  Wasting great natural scenery and an arsenal of sophisticated F/X, the first prequel is wholly unnecessary.  Sorely missing the original trilogy’s charm and simplicity, the convoluted Phantom Menace is misconceived from the get-go.  Eliminating Liam Neeson’s character altogether, a premise exploring Obi-Wan Kenobi’s efforts mentoring a twenty-ish Anakin prior to (or early during) The Clone Wars would have made far more sense. 

As with Clones, the biggest eyesore is Lucas’ abject failure capturing spontaneous performances.  Case in point: the talented casts of American Graffiti and Episode IV: A New Hope both surpass this obstacle.  By comparison, along with youngster Jake Lloyd, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, & Neeson are merely left to flounder.  Working off stilted dialogue, the actors’ blank facial reactions spell out that Lucas’ priority, unsurprisingly, was devising his non-stop F/X.  Apart from the climatic two-on-one lightsaber duel, Phantom Menace is the easiest Star Wars to snooze through.

7. Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (152 Min.) 2017.  Trading Harrison Ford’s enormous shadow for Mark Hamill’s, Last Jedi isn’t much fun to watch.  Aside from Rey’s Jedi training, the script’s wild inconsistencies (i.e. what The Force can now do; Leia’s ridiculous space flying; Kylo Ren/Ben Solo’s confusing anti-heroism) will likely test any fan’s patience.

6. Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (132 Min.) 1983.  Considering the grim plot twists that George Lucas rejected (justifying the original title of Revenge of the Jedi), Return remains the franchise’s great ‘what if.’  Deploying a surplus of ludicrous gimmicks (i.e., the Ewoks, Death Star II, and Luke & Leia’s contrived sub-plot), Return’s kiddie storyline lacks the behind-the-scenes quality control that producer Gary Kurtz and director Irwin Kershner had infused Empire with. 

Had they participated, it’s likely that two vital components would be fixed: 1. A competent script that isn’t so blatantly formulaic, as if motivated solely by toy sales; and 2. Kershner could have persuaded Return’s cast (especially an apathetic Ford) to muster their A-game vs. lazily phoning in their performances.  It says plenty that cameos by Alec Guinness (hiding his own disdain for Star Wars) and Oz’s Yoda put the listless trio of Ford, Hamill, & a metallic bikini-clad Carrie Fisher to shame.

5. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (133 Min.) 2016.  It’s basically Star Wars’ answer to The Dirty Dozen.  Rogue One sure isn’t kid-friendly, but, as a plausible prequel to A New Hope, the project lives up to its potential.

4. Episode VII: The Force Awakens (136 Min.) 2015.  As much as Force shamelessly retreads New Hope, it’s still a welcome pivot away from the blah prequels.  Still, one wonders why J.J. Abrams cast Adam Driver as Han & Leia’s son, considering he resembles neither Ford nor Fisher in the slightest degree (and yet Daisy Ridley logically resembles their what-if daughter). More significantly, the bigger mistake is a tone-deaf capitulation to Ford’s insistence re: Han Solo’s fate.  Why would Abrams foolishly one-up what 1994’s Star Trek: Generations does with Captain Kirk? 

The same result could have been achieved, had there been a classy rewrite (i.e., without too closely duplicating Obi-Wan Kenobi’s similar demise, a galaxy-weary Solo could have poignantly sacrificed himself to save Rey from his own monstrous son).  Otherwise, Daisy Ridley & John Boyega’s energetic contributions, at least, offer sufficient promise of an intriguing sequel trilogy.   

3. Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (140 Min) 2005.  Burdened by a bleak timeline now set in concrete, the far-fetched Sith is somehow remarkably entertaining.  Having wasted Phantom Menace on irrelevant galactic politics (not to mention, Anakin’s childhood), Lucas rushes too much to justify the inevitable finish.  Still, Sith outclasses Rise and Return with the franchise’s best action choreography.  McGregor’s best prequel performance is another plus.    

2. Episode IV: A New Hope (121 Min.) 1977.  Keeping in mind the occasionally clunky dialogue, what more really needs to be said?  How about this? — George Lucas should thank his lucky stars (literally) that his reliable cast could more or less direct themselves.  Everything else contributes to a Hollywood underdog story worthy of its legends. 

And, inevitably, the best Star Wars flick is:

1. Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back    (124 Min.)  1980.  Except for a murky timeline (i.e., does the story transpire over a few days?  Maybe a few weeks?), Empire is near-flawless entertainment.  With Lucas focused on complex production issues, director Irvin Kershner guides the franchise’s best performances into an unforgettable cliffhanger. 

Specifically, Kershner’s savviness encouraging ad-libs (i.e., Ford’s carbon freeze sequence) surpasses stilted moments in screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan’s dialogue.  This flexibility is priceless vs. the detached outcome of director Richard Marquand filming Lucas & Kasdan’s lackluster Return script as is.  If New Hope exemplifies the timeless ‘Peter Pan’ in us all, then Empire reminds viewers that adult repercussions inevitably follow.

In closing, is it a mere coincidence that the original trilogy and the belated sequels follow nearly the exact same trajectory?  Besides lifting New Hope’s plot, Force Awakens represents the same style of ‘fun’ popcorn movie.  Hence, Empire and Last Jedi are meticulously structured as darker midpoints geared for adults.  For whatever reason, Return and Rise are then left pitching recycled hot messes that fall far short of their two predecessors. 

As Empire and New Hope confirm, success begins with an inspired script.  The dubious alternative is expending a $250+ million budget, and leaving the odds of a first-class epic merely to chance.  Just a random thought … thanks for reading! 

Categories
Movies & Television (Videos) The Ratings Game

THE RATINGS GAME: BEST & WORST OF THE POLICE ACADEMY MOVIES

Revisiting the Police Academy movie franchise, Odd Moon Media Reviews offers a candid assessment.  Deeming their box office numbers as irrelevant, our consideration is based on a film’s watchability.  These movies will be ranked in reverse order.

ANALYSIS:

7. Police Academy 6: City Under Siege  84 Min. (1989).  Considering the weak premise, the film’s shortage of laughs is so anemic that even insomniacs may find themselves dozing off during a 2:00 A.M. cable-TV binge.  The one scene depicting actual character progression is a brief glimpse of Tackleberry’s home life as a dad, along with his befuddled father-in-law.  Unmistakably, Siege falls far short of justifying its existence – even if it had been peddled as a made-for-cable film (which it resembles).       

6. Police Academy: Mission to Moscow   83 Min. (1994).  Whittling the franchise’s original cast down to George Gaynes, Michael Winslow, David Graf, Leslie Easterbrook, & G.W. Bailey, this feeble curiosity is for hard-core fans only.  One wonders if this seventh movie was really more a contractual obligation (or maybe even a tax write-off).  The sole reason that it gains an edge over the insipid Siege would be its goodwill intentions filming on location in Russia.     

5. Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol   88 Min. (1987).  Yes, it’s notoriously stupid as one of the worst films ever produced. The franchise’s ensemble cast merely show up for their paychecks, and that’s not even its worst problem. There are virtually zero laughs … and far, far too much screen time showcasing Bobcat Goldthwait’s ‘Zed’ and the movie’s latest recruits (i.e. Sharon Stone & David Spade, among them). 

Inevitably, the consequence is that regulars, such as Michael Winslow, Bubba Smith, Leslie Easterbrook, and Marion Ramsey, have nothing to do in their minimal screen time.  Aside from a naughty ‘Harris’ and ‘Proctor’ wordplay gag early on, the sole other chuckle (unintentional, of course) is found in the closing credits where Tony Hawk is revealed as Spade’s skateboarding double.

It’s tempting to reconsider Citizens On Patrol as this list’s rock-bottom. Yet, the two putrid sequels listed behind it prove even more unwatchable.

4. Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment   87 Min. (1985).  Boosting the franchise’s regular cast, adding reliable pros Howard Hesseman, Colleen Camp, and Art Metrano can’t surpass the middling, low-grade script.  Keeping that dubious thought in mind, First Assignment occasionally hints it could have been a better comedy than its sorry reputation makes it out to be.  This first sequel, if only for consistency’s sake, just needed to crank out more genuine laughs.    

3. Police Academy 3: Back in Training   83 Min. (1986).  Aside from racing multiple laps around the same lake (presumably, Lake Ontario) during the climatic boat chase, this one is closest in spirit to the original film.  Unsurprisingly, it’s practically a semi-remake, with some fresh faces (i.e. Shawn Weatherly) and familiar carryovers (Bobcat Goldthwait, Tim Kazurinsky, Debralee Scott, & Andrew Paris) joining in.  For some reliable, low-brow humor, Back in Training is worth catching for late night viewing.

2. Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach   90 Min. (1988).  Blandly replacing Steve Guttenberg’s Mahoney, Matt McCoy’s casting (as Sgt. Nick Lassard) isn’t a dealbreaker. Appearing inspired, the franchise’s cast conjures up enough of a difference compensating for Guttenberg’s absence (which the script doesn’t even bother to explain). If anything, the film’s cartoony heist shenanigans, not to mention a welcome change in scenery, makes Miami Beach an all-ages guilty pleasure. 

In a non-shocker, standing at No. 1 is:

Police Academy   96 Min. (1984).  The original film isn’t Stripes or Caddyshack, but it still surpasses other raunchy ‘80s comedies (i.e., Porky’s).  Deserving their due, the franchise’s ongoing cast (particularly Michael Winslow & Steve Guttenberg) is in vintage form.  In that sense, the first Police Academy delivers the necessary laughs at the right moments.

Note: As a double-feature option, we recommend 1987’s spoofy Dragnet starring Dan Ackroyd & Tom Hanks.

 

Categories
Movies & Television (Videos) The Ratings Game

THE RATINGS GAME: BEST & WORST OF THE PINK PANTHER MOVIES

In tribute to the Pink Panther movie franchise, Odd Moon Media Reviews offers its own candid assessment.  Considering that Blake Edwards directed the first eight of them, what’s mind-blowing is this franchise’s inconsistent quality control, not to mention, a number of lapses in even basic continuity.

With that in mind and ignoring box office numbers, what matters now is a film’s watchability.  The movies will be ranked in reverse order.

Note: Considering neither Blake Edwards nor Peter Sellers participated in 1968’s obscure Inspector Clouseau film (starring Alan Arkin), it has been excluded from this overview. 

ANALYSIS:

10. Curse of the Pink Panther   109 Min. (1983).  Meant to spawn a cheaper MGM spin-off franchise starring Soap’s Ted Wass, Curse concocts a stunning waste of film.  For instance, the nonsensical plot twists re: Inspector Clouseau are an insult to long-time fans.  Or why would Blake Edwards unnecessarily confuse viewers by recasting Joanna Lumley in a different role than the one she had just played in Trail of the Pink Panther? 

Even epilogue cameos by original stars David Niven, Capucine, and Robert Wagner meant to bring the franchise full-circle twenty years later are wasted by a crummy script.  Suffice to say, Peter Sellers’ most middling outtakes recycled for Trail surpass anything new filmed in Curse.

Note: Despite their absurd continuity flaws, Trail and Curse are meant to be viewed as a two-part storyline.   

9. Son of the Pink Panther   93 Min. (1993).  Regardless of its good intentions, this feeble and misguided homage falls far short of funny.  Squandering a nostalgic premise, Edwards’ final effort at reviving the franchise, unfortunately, treads closer to Curse’s badly diluted material than even the weakest Panther starring Sellers.  Worse yet, Robert Benigni’s ultra-annoying portrayal of Clouseau’s long-lost son will shred virtually anybody’s nerves. 

Appearances by franchise veterans Herbert Lom, Claudia Cardinale, and Burt Kwouk (along with Bobby McFerrin’s reworking of The Pink Panther theme) provide welcome elements, but such classiness can’t overcome Benigni’s shrill miscasting.  Had someone concocted an inspired reboot script in the mid-80’s, casting Robin Williams as ‘Clouseau, Jr.’ might have easily salvaged this tone-deaf film.

Notes: Instread of reprising her ‘Princess Dala’ from the original 1963 film, Cardinale confusingly replaces Elke Sommer as ex-housemaid ‘Maria Gambrelli’ from A Shot in the Dark.  Had Cardinale simply reprised her original role, the results could have been intriguing.  Also, the franchise’s jack-of-all-trades, Graham Stark, makes his second-and-final appearance as disguise maker ‘Professor Auguste Balls.’ 

8. Trail of the Pink Panther   96 Min. (1982).  Literally a throwaway scene, this film’s generic pre-credits Pink Panther diamond heist is a dire glimpse of what’s still to come.  If begrudgingly construed as a Clouseau retrospective (i.e. its festival of old and deleted scenes), then the otherwise unnecessary Trail has some reason for existence.  

For instance, the best Strikes Again outtake depicts Sellers’ Clouseau in a hilarious misunderstanding with a British hotel desk clerk.  Another outtake re: a misfiring ‘car bomb’ gag isn’t half-bad.  In support of a reliable Herbert Lom, Joanna Lumley’s presence as a TV investigative journalist outclasses Trail’s tired plot. Yet, sadly enough, the vintage Clouseau clip show accompanying the closing credits is the film’s best asset. Suffice to say, Clouseau’s ‘greatest hits’ package far surpasses Trail’s tired content.     

Notes: After his ‘Col. Sharki’ was killed off in Return of the Pink Panther, Peter Arne confusingly resurfaces in both Trail and Curse as a different Lugash official: the lookalike ‘General Bufoni.’  Per Strikes Again’s outtakes, Harvey Korman is now Clouseau’s disguise maker: ‘Professor Auguste Balls.’  In lieu of appearing as ‘Professor Balls,’ Graham Stark reprises A Shot in the Dark’s ‘Hercule Lajoy’ (Clouseau’s retired and world-weary ex-partner). 

7. The Pink Panther 2   92 Min. (2009).  It’s no shocker that this weak sequel slides further into mediocrity.  Steve Martin is again unconvincing as an idiotic Clouseau.  Rather than casting Alfred Molina (already relegated to an expendable role), a far-too-old John Cleese is a noticeable downgrade replacing Kevin Kline as Chief Inspector Dreyfus.  Thankfully, Martin wasn’t called upon to complete a trilogy of this disappointing reboot.      

6. The Pink Panther   93 Min. (2006).  Steve Martin really should have known better, as his effort succeeding Peter Sellers proves even worse than his weak homage to Phil Silvers in 1996’s Sgt. Bilko.  Rather than pursuing a straight-up remake, this reboot’s originality displays some decent plot potential when it isn’t being sabotaged by mediocre gags. 

Though Martin’s casting surpasses Roberto Benigni on any given day, the producers really should have tried harder finding a contemporary (and relatively young) European comedian to play Clouseau.  Hence, an ounce of plausibility could have made plenty of difference. 

5. Revenge of the Pink Panther   98 Min. (1978).  Sellers’ fifth-and-final Panther is easily his most forgettable. Still, Revenge sports sufficient entertainment, thanks to Sellers’ reliable chemistry with Herbert Lom & Burt Kwouk.  Revenge, more significantly, is the last Panther film peppered with some fun slapstick gags.  The biggest distraction hampering the movie’s credibility is the presence of American co-stars Dyan Cannon & Robert Webber unconvincingly portraying French characters. 

Notes: Robert Loggia plays a different mobster here than the one he would later appear as in Trail and Curse.  Graham Stark makes his first official appearance as ‘Professor Auguste Balls.’ 

4. Return of the Pink Panther 114 Min. (1975).  Though a nimble Christopher Plummer isn’t nearly as endearing as David Niven’s take on ‘The Phantom,’ the film serves up solid mid-70’s fun much of the time.  As with the other ‘70’s Panthers, the disagreeable element is Clouseau’s off-hand racial slurs directed at Cato. 

Notes: In addition to Plummer’s substitution for David Niven as ‘Sir Charles Litton,’ Catherine Schell’s ‘Lady Claudine Litton’ makes her sole appearance.  Without explanation, Schell’s ‘Claudine’ would be replaced by Capucine’s ‘Simone Clouseau’ from the original 1963 film as Sir Charles’ wife for Curse and Trail.  For Graham Stark, his role as Lugash underworld contact, ‘Pepi’ is the second of five different characters he plays during the franchise.   

3. The Pink Panther 113 Min. (1963).  Including one of the funniest movie car chases ever, the original Panther caper remains an utter delight.  The chemistry David Niven and Peter Sellers both generate with their co-stars, Claudia Cardinale, Capucine, & Robert Wagner, is terrific. 

Even better is how Clouseau’s on-screen magic steals this movie, as compared to his adversaries merely swiping the movie’s fictional diamond.  Undeniably, there’s slow stretches, but the film’s sophisticated comedy mingling Keystone Kops-like humor and bedroom farce make up all the difference.

2. A Shot in the Dark 102 Min. (1964). Although its groovy ‘60s ambiance is obviously dated, Shot is among the best comedic whodunnits in movie history.  Lacking the Pink Panther altogether this time, the addition of Burt Kwouk’s Cato & Herbert Lom’s long-suffering Dreyfus highlights a superb supporting cast.  The chemistry that Lom, Kwouk, Elke Sommer, and Graham Stark (as Clouseau’s skeptical subordinate, Hercule Lajoy) all share with Sellers serves up classic Hollywood magic. 

Before pushing his character’s persona into full-on buffoon mode for the 1970’s, Shot is Sellers’ best acting as Clouseau.   

And No. # 1 is:    

The Pink Panther Strikes Again 103 Min. (1976).  Instead of the three-hour opus that Blake Edwards reportedly sought, this hilarious slapstick caper is ideal entertainment as is.  Considering the mostly unimpressive outtakes he later recycled for Trail, Edwards wisely deleted them from Strikes Again.  The cast (especially Sellers & Lom) is on its A-game, as the well-paced script enjoys some outlandishly fun plot twists. 

From start to finish, Sellers’ fourth Panther is an inspired comedy gem!   

Notes: For double-feature options, we recommend 1976’s spoofy Murder By Death (with Sellers & Niven co-headlining an all-star cast) and 1980’s Cold War-flavored Hopscotch (a Walter Matthau spy comedy co-starring Lom).

Per the picture below, this DVD set includes all but one of Sellers’ Pink Panther capers. As 1975’s Return of The Pink Panther was produced by an outside studio, that film is sold separately.