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SUMMARY: Running Time: 21:00 Min. (Black & White)

Directed by George McCahan, this obscure ABC TV pilot envisioned the Stooges as inept handymen bumbling their way through a new odd job each week. Columbia Pictures (as the Stooges’ big-screen employer) opposed this would-be venture as a breach of contract. Hence, the one-and-done “Jerks” remained unavailable to the public for approximately fifty years.

As crackpot interior decorators, the Stooges send uptight would-be client, Mr. Pennyfeather, literally out the door with their hard-nosed antics. Pennyfeather’s equally-snobby wife unknowingly hires the trio for the same gig. They’re supposed to repaint and roll out fresh wallpaper in the Pennyfeathers’ living room to impress her husband’s boss for a dinner party that evening. Moe, Larry, & Shemp turn the couple’s home improvement project into a full-blown disaster zone.

Moe: Moe Howard

Larry: Larry Fine

Shemp: Shemp Howard

Mr. Pennyfeather: Emil Sitka

Mrs. Pennyfeather: Symona Boniface

Mr. Phink: Dink Trout

Announcer: Uncredited

REVIEW:

Yikes! It’s a dreadful effort from Moe, Larry, & Shemp. Ironically, by blocking “Jerks” for a half-century, Columbia Pictures did the aging Stooges a back-handed favor. “Jerks,” had it been released, might well have inflicted permanent damage to the Stooges’ future TV prospects. Instead, less than ten years later, Screen Gems’ gradual release of the Stooges’ old Columbia shorts to TV syndication skyrocketed the trio’s popularity with a new generation of fans.

Still, this pilot’s undemanding premise for a weekly series makes sense, particularly in the Golden Age of Television. “Jerks,” however, is sabotaged by inexplicably poor execution. Case in point: the Stooges’ awkward mugging introducing themselves to the camera in the opening moments foretells how bad this show will be. From that point on, amateurish production gaffes: i.e. a weak script, poor cinematography, and the Stooges’ tired performances makes the cheapo-looking “Jerks” a total waste of twenty minutes. Sadly, watching “Jerks” in its entirety seems far longer.

Entertaining a live studio audience (or maybe it’s a rudimentary laugh track), the Stooges are forced to cram together far too many bland schtick routines. Capable of big laughs, veteran Stooge foils Emil Sitka and Symona Boniface are reduced to merely looking mortified and/or appalled. Dink Trout’s amusing pressure-cooker salesman (especially, his cartoony voice) should have helped, but his cameo role is stretched far past its welcome.

Given the right creative elements, “Jerks of All Trades” should have been a savvy career move for the Stooges. The opposite sadly occurs — in comparison to their better Columbia misadventures, “Jerks” comes off as a Stooge eyesore best forgotten.

Note: In the early 1970’s, the Stooges (Moe, Larry, & Joe DeRita) tried again with a scenic TV venture entitled Kook’s Tour. Once more, it never actually aired — as Larry Fine’s career-ending stroke, during the pilot’s filming, effectively retired the Stooges.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 3 Stars

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SUMMARY: Running Time: 1 Hour, 44 Min.

With author Brian Garfield loosely co-adapting his same-titled 1975 novel, this R-rated 1980 comedy directed by Ronald Neame mocks Cold War intrigue. Unexpectedly demoted to a desk job for insubordination, sixty-ish CIA field ace Miles Kendig (Matthau) absconds to Austria and quietly reunites with his ex-colleague, Isobel (Jackson).

Inspired by a chance comment by his friendly KGB rival, Yaskov (Lom), Kendig retaliates against his blowhard ex-boss, Myerson (Beatty), from afar by writing an explosive tell-all memoir. Mailed a sample first chapter, Myerson desperately realizes that Kendig intends to expose his long history of ruthless slimeball tactics (otherwise referred to as “dirty tricks”).

Kendig’s insightful protégé, Joe Cutter (Waterston), reluctantly follows Myerson’s orders to chase his old friend down. Meanwhile, with Isobel’s loving help, Kendig cunningly plays an international cat-and-mouse game, with the CIA, FBI, and the KGB, all in hot pursuit.

Changing up the rules of the revenge game, as he goes, proves a fun (not to mention, expensive) way for Kendig to spend his forced retirement. Deliciously baiting his ex-boss with one humiliation after another, Kendig’s risk-taking means finding out if publishing this exposé ultimately signs his death warrant.

Note: The movie’s title (as with the novel) is the same as Kendig’s memoir.

Miles Kendig: Walter Matthau

Myerson: Ned Beatty

Isobel Von Schoenberg: Glenda Jackson

Joe Cutter: Sam Waterston

Yaskov: Herbert Lom

Leonard Ross: David Matthau

Parker Westlake: George Baker

Carla: Lucy Saroyan

Maddox: Severn Darden

Follett: Douglas Dirkson

REVIEW:

Aside from its generous slew of profanities (i.e. Myerson’s multiple F-bombs), this intelligent spy-caper comedy for grown-ups delivers vintage Walter Matthau. Enjoying sly chemistry with the ensemble cast, Matthau’s everyman charm conveys Kendig’s personal vendetta against his bureaucratic nemesis. Making it look easy, Glenda Jackson, Herbert Lom, and Sam Waterston pitch in, as necessary, to help carry various scenes.

As the buffoonish Myerson, Ned Beatty’s expletive-laced meltdowns are hilarious (especially, in the Savannah shootout sequence), making him a perfect foil for Matthau’s witty hijinks. Matthau’s own son, David, and Douglas Dirkson are terrific as Myerson’s mustachioed operatives helping Cutter pursue Kendig. Matthau’s step-daughter, Lucy Saroyan, cameos as a breezy freelance pilot, as she shares a fun in-joke late in the film.

Perhaps the most welcome element is how this cast, in a mix of locales worthy of a James Bond film, plausibly imbue their characters as ordinary people in the spy business. The only letdown stems from the movie’s choice not to divulge Myerson’s ultimate fate (who knows? – maybe he gets promoted, just for irony’s sake). Leaving it to the audience’s imagination is too much of a cop-out, much like how the script teases Myerson’s sleazy misdeeds without actually divulging specifics.

Aside from this quibble, the spy game satire of Hopscotch is first-class entertainment. If one is looking for an underrated comedy gem (complete with a finely-tuned, Mozart-heavy classical music score), then Matthau’s Hopscotch makes perfect sense.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 8½ Stars

Note: Pairing this movie with Grumpy Old Men or IQ (with an older Matthau in peak comedic form) makes good sense. Considering the Herbert Lom connection, Hopscotch is also an ideal double-feature option with Inspector Clouseau’s best capers, i.e. A Shot in the Dark or The Pink Panther Strikes Again.

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