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WCW U.S. CHAMPION “THE TOTAL PACKAGE” LEX LUGER VS. BARRY WINDHAM (WCW Main Event: Taped 9-3-1990)

SUMMARY:      APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 10:22 Min.

Taped on September 3, 1990, at the Georgia Mountains Center, in Gainesville, Georgia, this WCW Main Event title match subsequently aired on September 9, 1990.  Popular three-time WCW U.S. Champion “The Total Package” Lex Luger is challenged by his perennial rival/ex-partner: Barry Windham of the Four Horsemen.  The match commentator is Jim Ross.  

REVIEW:

Aside from Windham’s ponytail and an unusual leering grin (as if he is trying to project sadistic cockiness), there is little, if anything, that is memorable to see here.  Both Luger and Windham deliver watchable work concocting a count-out finish, but they have certainly mustered better showdowns elsewhere.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                  5½ Stars

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NWA U.S. CHAMPION “THE TOTAL PACKAGE” LEX LUGER VS. BARRY WINDHAM (WITH HIRO MATSUDA) (NWA House Show: Taped February or March 1989)

SUMMARY:     APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 12:32 Min.

After the NWA/WCW’s Chi-Town Rumble Pay-Per-View on February 20, 1989, “The Total Package” Lex Luger had become a two-time U.S. Champion at ex-partner Barry Windham’s expense.  This house show re-match has Windham (one of two Horsemen managed by Hiro Matsuda – the other being Ric Flair) seeking vengeance upon Luger. 

The specific date and location of this title match are unclear; one possibility is that it transpired on March 18, 1989 at the Capital Centre in Landover, Maryland.  Ultimately, Windham departed the NWA/WCW in March 1989 once his contract expired. 

There is not an official match commentator.      

REVIEW:

As a kid-friendly, formulaic title defense, this Luger/Windham match-up delivers all the necessary goods.  Luger, in that regard, puts on a good show as one of the NWA/WCW’s elite ‘super-heroes.’ 

More so, this bout’s entertainment value readily surpasses Luger & Windham’s lackadaisical 1991 Great American Bash cage match for the vacant WCW World Championship.  Even if Windham was simply biding time days before leaving the company, his ‘average’ here is still better than most of his contemporaries.     

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                     7 Stars

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UWF BLACKJACK BRAWL (MGM Grand Garden Arena: Aired 9-23-1994)

SUMMARY:        RUNNING TIME: 1 Hour, 56 Min.

In 1990 (as this show repetitively reminds viewers before each match with an UWF title card), Herb Abrams founded his short-lived Universal Wrestling Federation.  After the abject failure of 1991’s UWF Beach Brawl Pay-Per-View, this event held at the MGM Grand Garden Arena, in Las Vegas, Nevada, was the promotion’s last gasp on September 23, 1994.  An estimated 300 to 600 fans were purportedly in attendance. 

Aired live on cable by the UWF’s financial backer, SportsChannel America, the Blackjack Brawl (projected as the first of a trilogy) would consist of eleven bouts.  Of them, nine are title matches – most of which were either vacant or newly created championships.

Stationed at ringside are commentators John Tolos and Carlo Gianelli, along with Abrams and the event’s namesake, “Blackjack” Mulligan, conducting post-match interviews.  Steve Rossi is the show’s long-winded ring announcer.  Of note, several WWF and WCW veterans provide the bulk of Blackjack Brawl’s in-ring talent. 

The card is as follows:     

  1. “Dangerous” Dan Spivey vs. Johnny Ace (with Missy Hyatt) for the inaugural UWF Americas Championship (7:20).

2. Mando Guerrero vs. “Wildman” Jack Armstrong for the inaugural UWF Junior Heavyweight Championship (4:36).

3. Sunny Beach vs. Dr. Feelgood (with Missy Hyatt) for the vacant UWF SportsChannel TV Championship (5:26).

4. UWF Southern States Champion Bob Orton Jr. vs. Finland “Hellraiser” Thor {aka the WWF’s Ludvig Borga} (6:12).

Note: Exactly why a Southern States title is being defended in the Nevada desert is anyone’s guess.

5. Karate Kid vs. Little Tokyo for the inaugural UWF Midget World Title (7:33).

6. Sampson vs. Irish Assassin (4:13).

Note: Billed from ‘Greece,’ Sampson replaces ‘Hercules.’  It’s not specified if the UWF’s no-show ‘Hercules’ is the same wrestler previously employed by the WWF.

7/ Tyler “The Lion” Mane vs. Steve “The Wild Thing” Ray for the inaugural UWF MGM Grand Championship (7:25).

Note: Mane subsequently played Victor Creed/Sabretooth in 2000’s first X-Men film.

8. Tina Moretti {aka the WWF’s Ivory} vs. Candi Devine/Divine for the vacant UWF Women’s World Championship (3:26).

9. The Killer Bees: Jim Brunzell & B. Brian Blair vs. The New Powers of Pain: Warlord & Power Warrior (with David Power) for the inaugural UWF World Tag Team Championship (11:49).

10. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs. Cactus Jack {aka Mick Foley}in a lumberjack match (9:03).

Lumberjacks: Among them are the Warlord; The Power Twins; the Killer Bees; Dr. Feelgood; Sunny Beach; & Steve Ray.

11. UWF World Champion “Dr. Death” Steve Williams (with Johnny Ace) vs. “Malicious” Sid Vicious (with Dan Spivey) (11:01).

Note: To clarify, Abrams’ UWF is unrelated to the same-named Mid-South/UWF promotion that Bill Watts owned the mid-80’s. Ironically, Williams was the final World Champion for both incarnations. 

REVIEW:

One might as well deem the UWF Blackjack Brawl as a pitiful Pay-Per-View wanna-be.  Case in point: the show’s dubious reputation in pro wrestling history demonstrates why upper mid-card big league stars will carry a glorified indie promotion only so far.  More so, the UWF’s ultra-cheap production values are left glaringly exposed in a ritzy venue like the MGM Grand Garden Arena. 

Aside from dreadful performances by long-time valet Hyatt and Abrams himself, the match quality is mostly just forgettable.   Specifically,

  1. Spivey vs. Johnny Ace – with Missy Hyatt.

Rating: 4 Stars.  What stands out most is the match’s trifecta of bleached blondes.  Aside from a quirky twist finish, the back-and-forth ground game between two uninspired WCW veterans is a bore.

2. Mando Guerrero vs. “Wildman” Jack Armstrong.

Rating: 3 Stars.  Given how the unknown Armstrong contributes virtually nothing here, it’s a shame how Guerrero is disrespected.  Such mistreatment includes the commentators’ culturally racist jibes and even an on-screen typo badly misspelling Guerrero’s name.

3. Sunny Beach vs. Dr. Feelgood – with  Missy Hyatt.

Rating: 3 Stars.  Playing a trashy femme fatale, Hyatt’s lazy effort gives all wrestling valets a bad name.  This bout’s blah wrestling is only worsened by an amateurish post-match skirmish.

4. UWF Southern States Champion Bob Orton Jr. vs. Finland “Hellraiser” Thor.

Rating: 5 Stars.  With a bloodied Orton taking nasty blows, this brawl is somehow watchable.

5. Karate Kid vs. Little Tokyo.

Rating: 5 Stars.  One amusing sequence is inspired: specifically, one wrestler hides behind the referee while the other unknowingly continues their ring crisscross.  Bolstered by Karate Kid’s slick athleticism, this bout is better than expected.

6. Sampson vs. Irish Assassin.

Rating: 3 Stars.  In a rudimentary clash of anonymous powerlifters, this bout is instantly forgettable. 

7. Tyler Mane vs. Steve Ray.

Rating: 5 Stars.  Aside from Mane’s plushy lion’s head poncho, it’s a decent effort.  Vibe-wise, one may find Ray & Mane’s straight-forward choreography reminiscent of mid-80’s World Class Championship Wrestling.  Suffice to say, both young participants exhibit some raw star potential.

8. Tina Moretti vs. Candi Devine/Divine.

Rating: 6 Stars.  Despite the show’s shortest running time, Devine/Divine & Moretti (aka Ivory) efficiently execute their bout.  Their choreography, in that sense, is a throwback to the classy mid-80’s.  

9. Killer Bees (Jim Brunzell & B. Brian Blair) vs. The New Powers of Pain (Warlord & Power Warrior) – with David Power.

Rating: N/A.  Except for a clip found elsewhere of the Bees’ title win, no footage of this tag match could be located.

10. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs. Cactus Jack (aka Mick Foley).

Rating: 4 Stars.  Only predictable ringside chaos keeps this slow-pitch brawl from being an utter disappointment.

11. “Dr. Death” Steve Williams – with Johnny Ace vs. “Malicious” Sid Vicious – with Dan Spivey.

Rating: 7½ Stars.  As Vicious counters the reliable Williams with a solid performance displaying actual wrestling, their slugfest delivers the necessary goods.  Spelled out by Abrams afterwards, the cheap finish is meant to provoke a steel cage rematch that never happened.  In general, this main event’s brawny star power easily surpasses the rest of the program.

The intriguing Williams/Vicious main event receives far too little help from the undercard – in other words, the finale is sabotaged by a prior overload of mind-numbing title matches. 

As middling as the UWF Blackjack Brawl is, one vital ingredient absent is the genuine spark emanating from a second and preferably game-changing thriller.  One could imagine the possibilities, if any two of these ex-NWA/WCW free agents had participated: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, “Ravishing” Rick Rude, Steve Austin, Nikita Koloff, Tully Blanchard, or Mulligan’s versatile son, Barry Windham. 

Presuming both players were both healthy and well-conditioned, any such match-up could have helped Williams & Vicious by igniting this show’s reputation with a second high-caliber showdown – without some meaningless championship at stake.  Instead, all fans get is a for-rent sales pitch from several journeymen seeking future gigs with either the WWF or WCW. 

Reminiscent of the fading AWA and World Class promotions of the Late 80’s, it’s inevitable that one good slugfest can’t save the UWF Blackjack Brawl from pro wrestling’s dustbin. 

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                    3½ Stars

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“HOT STUFF” EDDIE GILBERT & NWA U.S. CHAMPION “THE TOTAL PACKAGE” LEX LUGER VS. “NATURE BOY” RIC FLAIR & BARRY WINDHAM (WITH HIRO MATSUDA) (NWA Main Event: Taped or Aired 3-12-1989)

SUMMARY:         APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 20:40 Min.

Following the NWA/WCW’s Chi-Town Rumble Pay-Per-View on February 20, 1989, “The Total Package” Lex Luger had become a two-time U.S. Champion at ex-partner Barry Windham’s expense.  Meanwhile, at the same show, Ric Flair lost the NWA World Title to Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.  Backed by manager Hiro Matsuda, Flair & Windham (effectively the Two Horsemen) would seek to take out their recent frustrations on “Hot Stuff” Eddie Gilbert.  Accordingly, he would team with the Horsemen’s worst nemesis, Luger. 

This bout from The Omni in Atlanta, Georgia, was either taped or aired on NWA Main Event on March 12, 1989.  The match commentator is Jim Ross.

Note: Windham subsequently left the NWA/WCW within days of this match.

REVIEW:

Inevitably, one must compare this tag-team showdown to its predecessor from a few months before where Gilbert & his mystery partner (Ricky Steamboat) stunned Flair & Windham in a televised upset on an episode of World Championship Wrestling

While Luger & Gilbert’s tandem doesn’t live up to an electrifying Steamboat single-handedly smoking Flair & Windham multiple times, this bout is still plenty good.  Gilbert’s spunky cruiserweight style, in that sense, is a surprisingly good fit with Luger’s powerhouse presence against the Horsemen’s reliable villainy. 

Even a standard-issue NWA cheap finish is not really a problem for this bout.  Its combined star power delivers all the necessary goods making it a Late 80’s wrestling treat worth re-discovery.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                 7 Stars

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NWA U.S. CHAMPION “THE TOTAL PACKAGE” LEX LUGER (WITH J.J. DILLON) VS. NWA WESTERN STATES HERITAGE CHAMPION BARRY WINDHAM (NWA World Championship Wrestling: Taped or Aired 9-19-1987)

SUMMARY:       APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 12:56 Min.

From Dorton Arena in Raleigh, North Carolina, the Four Horsemen’s “The Total Package” Lex Luger (with manager J.J. Dillon) defends his NWA U.S. Championship against the NWA’s Western States Heritage Champion, Barry Windham.  Their match is the main event for a World Championship Wrestling TV episode – either taped or aired September 19, 1987. 

Backing an ultra-arrogant Luger & Dillon late in the game is the presence of fellow Horseman Arn Anderson.  Once outnumbered three-to-one, Windham’s back-up consists of the Rock ‘N’ Roll Express.  The match commentator is Tony Schiavone.   

REVIEW:

Despite a standard-issue NWA disqualification TV finish, Windham and Luger concoct an energetic title bout where the in-ring odds appear seemingly even.  Specifically, Windham’s lanky athleticism and arsenal of wrestling maneuvers are an ideal fit against Luger’s powerhouse physique (and hiding the relatively inexperienced U.S. Champion’s limited move set). 

As compared to several of their later title bouts (1989-1991), this one is upper-tier, as far as utilizing superior teamwork.  Between their youthful mobility and sharp choreography, the Luger-Windham rivalry exudes a welcome aura of excitement in this stellar NWA TV main event.  Suffice to say, it’s a sample of mid-80’s NWA star power worth re-discovery.    

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                     8 Stars

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WWF 1989 SURVIVOR SERIES SHOWDOWN (WWF PRIME TIME WRESTLING: Aired 11-12-1989)

SUMMARY:           RUNNING TIME: 1 Hour, 58 Min.

Airing November 12, 1989, on the USA Network, “Gorilla” Monsoon and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan co-host this ‘special’ edition of the WWF’s weekly Prime Time Wrestling TV series.  “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, with equal screen time, is a third host working solo in the program’s ‘Studio B.’  Meant to hype the WWF’s upcoming 1989 Survivor Series Pay-Per-View, this episode’s gimmick claims a random draw has lined up five singles matches pitting individuals from their imminent tag-team elimination matches.

Note: Captaining a squad consisting of “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka and The Bushwhackers against Rick Rude’s team (Curt “Mr. Perfect” Hennig & The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers), Piper would make his Survivor Series debut in 1989.

“Mean” Gene Okerlund’s update announces that Demoltion has recently reclaimed the WWF World Tag Team Championship from Heenan’s Brain Busters: Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson.  Okerlund and Sean Mooney also help pitch promos from: Rick Rude, Piper, Randy Savage’s ‘King’s Court’ (including Barry Windham), “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan’s ‘4×4’s, Dusty Rhodes’ ‘Dream Team,’ and the WWF World Champion Hulk Hogan’s ‘Hulkamaniacs.’ 

Brother Love’s interview segment invites Heenan to introduce André the Giant and Haku as his newly-formed ‘Colossal Connection.’  It’s conveyed that they are replacing Anderson & Blanchard as Heenan’s preferred tag team. Sporadic hints are teased of turbulence in the Heenan faction re: Tully Blanchard’s future.  The real purpose was to cover Blanchard’s quiet release from the WWF in early November 1991.  Yet, the WWF’s storyline explanation would not be confirmed until the Survivor Series’ final match on Thanksgiving Night.

This episode’s five-match line-up is the following:

  1. Tito Santana (with Dusty Rhodes) vs. Big Boss Man (with Slick & Akeem).  Running Time: 11:35.
  2. “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig (with “The Genius” Lanny Poffo) vs. Bushwhacker Butch Miller (with Bushwhacker Luke Williams).  Running Time: 6:55.
  3. “Macho King” Randy Savage (with “Sensational Queen” Sherri) vs. Hercules.  Running Time: 10:54.
  4. Brain Buster Tully Blanchard (with Bobby Heenan, Arn Anderson, Haku, & André the Giant) vs. WWF Intercontinental Champion The Ultimate Warrior (with Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart and The Rockers – Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty) in a non-title match.  Running Time: 6:00.
  5. “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase (with Zeus & Virgil) vs. Demolition’s Smash (with Demolition’s Ax).  Running Time: 10:11.

Recorded during a WWF Wrestling Challenge’s TV syndication taping, it isn’t revealed that the bouts occurred on November 1, 1989 at the Kansas Coliseum, in Wichita, Kansas.  Without appearing on camera, Vince McMahon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura are the ringside co-commentators – or it’s possible they’re simply doing voice-overs.

Note: Despite being advertised in multiple segments, “Widowmaker” Barry Windham subsequently departed the WWF before the actual Pay-Per-View.  His replacement would be John “Earthquake” Tenta.  What’s still intriguing is Bret Hart’s desire to face off against fellow second-generation star Windham; their match-up (or even better a series of one-on-one bouts) likely would have been a classic for that era.  The same second-generation potential would have applied to Savage vs. Windham, though they at least appear together as teammates in the ‘King’s Court’ promo.

REVIEW:

The entertainment value the Monsoon-Heenan-Piper trio musters is commendable, as far as carrying this two-hour Survivor Series infomercial.  In particular, the needling ‘feud’ between a mostly gleeful Piper and a simmering Heenan is well-played. 

As for the matches themselves, their TV quality is a pleasant surprise.  Case in point: aside from Dusty and Akeem sporting fake nightsticks, the Boss Man vs. Santana opener is remarkably good (7 Stars).  Santana, in this instance, gets a welcome boost where the match’s booking doesn’t reduce him to yet another of the Boss Man’s thrashed victims.  One will catch that, in addition to another of his icky, sweat-soaked shirts before the match, the Boss Man evidently suffered a bloody facial scratch or even an inadvertent broken nose against Santana.

As for Curt Hennig vs. the Bushwhackers’ Butch Miller, this match surely doesn’t impress on paper.  Yet, the ‘reality’ isn’t half-bad (5 ½ Stars).  Packing a predictable finish, not to mention plenty of fake biting, Hennig and Miller, at least, make their effort watchable.  In terms of in-ring chemistry, however, the show’s best match belongs to Hercules vs. Randy Savage (8 Stars).  Though their bout is formulaic (i.e. Savage & Sherri regularly double-teaming Hercules), it delivers all the necessary goods for a fun and satisfying TV showdown. 

The same applies to an ultra-rare Tully Blanchard vs. Ultimate Warrior match-up (7½ Stars).  Impressively, Blanchard makes the Intercontinental Champion looks almost as good as the Warrior’s old partner: Sting.  Added star power from both entire squads justifies the cheap finish – it’s a shame considering the match quality had been remarkably solid up to that point.  Still, had they remained in the WWF, pitching the unscrupulous Blanchard and Arn Anderson as legitimate solo title threats (and likely future Intercontinental Champions) would have been a logical twist.  

Lastly, Demolition’s Smash delivers a better-than-expected performance against Ted DiBiase (6½ Stars).  One might think DiBiase carries Smash, but the guy frankly does fine on his own.  The match’s ending won’t surprise anyone, but the players involved make it watchable. 

Accomplishing its mission, this program serves up an all-ages blast back to the WWF’s Golden Age. For its intended audience, 1989’s Survivor Series Showdown is a kid-friendly wrestling treat worth re-discovery – for, at least, one viewing.     

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                       7 Stars

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STING VS. BIG VAN VADER (WITH HARLEY RACE) {WCW KING OF CABLE TOURNAMENT FINAL} (WCW STARRCADE ’92: BATTLEBOWL – THE LETHAL LOTTERY II: Aired 12-28-1992)

SUMMARY:                 RUNNING TIME: 16:50 Min.

On December 28, 1992, at The Omni, in Atlanta, Georgia, the two previous WCW World Heavyweight Champions faced off at Starrcade ’92: Battlebowl – The Lethal Lottery II.  At stake for Sting (wearing matching light blue & white attire and facial paint) and Big Van Vader is the “King of Cable” trophy.  The one-time tournament prize is meant to celebrate Ted Turner’s WTBS cable station for its 20th anniversary in broadcasting.  Looming at ringside on Vader’s behalf Vader is seven-time NWA World Champion Harley Race.

The match’s commentators are Jim Ross and Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

Notes: This match is available on the WWE’s Starrcade: The Essential Collection DVD set released in 2012.  A few days after Starrcade ’92, Vader regained the WCW World Championship from Ron Simmons. 

REVIEW:

This Pay-Per-View slugfest is exactly that – a veritable montage of heavy-hitting and seemingly bone-crushing strikes.  With Ross and Ventura in excellent form, Sting and Big Van Vader absolutely deliver the goods.  Given his adversary’s mammoth size, Sting plays up his underdog hero role exactly as he should (including familiar shades of Rocky III’s climax).  Even if Starrcade ’92  is long forgotten, this bruising showdown shouldn’t be.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                       8½ Stars

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BUFFALO SOLDIERS: AN AMERICAN LEGACY

SUMMARY:        RUNNING TIME: Approx. 43:11 Min.

In 2012, Rusty Spur Productions produced the documentary, Buffalo Soldiers: An American Legacy.  The project’s director is David Carter, who also briefly appears in a non-speaking cameo as ‘General George Armstrong Custer.’  Its host is Judge Joe Brown (in a reenactment soldier’s costume), with actor Barry Corbin as the off-screen narrator. 

Other appearances include Texas State Senator Royce West, Professor B.W. Aston, curator Henry Crawford from Texas Tech University’s History Museum, and Comanche tribal member James Yellowfish.  The sizable cast includes living historians/reenactors Paul Cook; Horace Williams; Cody Mobley; Early B. Teal; Tad Gose; David Carter; and Rosieleetta Reed presenting commentary.  Portraying Comanche warriors are Kevin Browning; Arthur RedCloud, and Cody Jones.  ‘Sgt. Emanuel Stance’ is portrayed by Anthony Reed while Macie Jepsen briefly voices ‘Libby Custer.’   

Designed as an interactive, all-ages history exhibit, Brown and Corbin co-narrate how the presence of African American U.S. soldiers began during the Civil War.  As stated by the film, in post-war 1866, six new U.S. Army regiments would be established utilizing African-American recruits to help safeguard the Western frontier. 

The moniker of “Buffalo Soldiers” would be subsequently bestowed in honor by their Native American adversaries amidst frontier warfare.  The documentary also highlights select members who made historic contributions as members of the U.S. Army, as well as their final fates.

Note: The program openly notes one married couple’s presumed difference of opinion.  While Libby Custer’s expressed admiration for the bravery and competence of African American soldiers is quoted, it is stated that her husband, General George Armstrong Custer, had earlier declined command of one of the new African American regiments.  His reasoning evidently never became public knowledge. 

Still, it is wryly commented that, given his own ultimate fate with the Seventh Cavalry in 1876, maybe he made the wrong choice.     

REVIEW:

Including extensive use of brief reenactments, not to mention some neat special effects, this articulate and friendly documentary offers sufficient depth for middle school and high school history classes.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                         6½ Stars

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CLUB PARADISE

SUMMARY:         RUNNING TIME: 1 Hr., 35 Min.

Harold Ramis both directed and co-wrote this 1986 Warner Bros. comedy.  As before with Ramis on 1980’s Caddyshack,  Brian Doyle-Murray is among the script’s collaborators and appears in a supporting role.  For the film, several of Ramis and Doyle-Murray’s fellow SCTV alumni: Rick Moranis, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, and Joe Flaherty, among them, help fill out the ensemble cast.    

Reaping a disability insurance windfall, thirty-ish, ex-Chicago firefighter Jack Moniker (Williams) retires to the Caribbean island of Saint Nicholas.  Co-owning his musician friend Ernest’s (Cliff) seedy beachside club, Jack also now faces the wrath of the island’s corrupt prime minister, Solomon Grundy (Caesar) over Ernest’s unpaid taxes.  Needing viable cash flow, Jack is persuaded by his new girlfriend, Phillipa (Twiggy), to push Club Paradise as an ideal tropical resort option for gullible tourists.

Coinciding with Club Paradise’s first wave of mostly unimpressed guests, Grundy and the island’s wealthiest hotel owner (Doyle-Murray) scheme to sell off Saint Nicholas to foreign developers.  The only remaining obstacle is Club Paradise, which resides on the island’s best section of beach.  It’s up to Jack, Ernest, and the island’s aristocratic British governor (O’Toole) to save an imploding Saint Nicholas from a violent revolution once they decline to sell out.

Jack Moniker: Robin Williams

Phillipa Lloyd: Twiggy

Ernest Reed: Jimmy Cliff

Gov. Anthony Croyden Hayes: Peter O’Toole

Terry Hamlin: Joanna Cassidy

Voit Zerbe: Brian Doyle-Murray

Barry Nye: Rick Moranis

Barry Steinberg: Eugene Levy

Prime Minister Solomon Grundy: Adolph Caesar

Linda White & Dr. Randy White: Andrea Martin & Steven Kampmann

Pamela: Antoinette Bower

Mary Lou: Robin Duke

Model: Carey Lowell

Portia: Louise Bennett

Jackie: Mary Gross

Pilot: Joe Flaherty

Mrs. Geddes: Leonie Forbes

Ernest’s Band – Flamboyant: Sydney Wolfe, Ansel Collins, Bertram McLean, Chinna Smith, Wilburn Cole, & Christopher Meredith

Toby Prooth: Simon Jones

Swiss Businessman: Louis Zorich

Dave: Bruce McGill

REVIEW:

Given its middling script, neither Bill Murray (who had declined the lead role) nor Tom Hanks would have fared any better headlining Club Paradise.  Riding a steady flow of smooth Jamaican reggae, an easygoing vibe and gorgeous scenery exude this film’s most appealing elements.  Still, feel-good sentimentality doesn’t disguise a weak cliché-fest lazily packaged as a contrived big-screen sitcom.  Club Paradise’s paint-by-the-numbers plotting has inhabited any number of better comedies, but this good cast simply isn’t given anything funny to do. 

It mostly falls on Harold Ramis and his screenwriters that the comedic firepower of Robin Williams, Eugene Levy, Rick Moranis, and Peter O’Toole is squandered.  Case in point: Moranis and Levy’s moronic cannabis subplot goes nowhere, much like the predicaments of other Club Paradise guests. 

If, during filming, Ramis had hoped Williams’ manic improvisational energies would somehow salvage such formulaic dreck, then all involved miscalculated.  The mellow Robin Williams that filmgoers instead get in Club Paradise is his increasingly harried ‘Jack’ too often fading into the background.    

The sole pleasure in Club Paradise, suffice to say, is for its feature-length commercial hyping Jamaica.  Then again, if one is ever given a dubious option between viewing Club Paradise or 1990’s Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan tropical bore, Joe Versus The Volcano – Robin Williams wins.  His Caribbean clunker, at least, scores a few sporadic laughs.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                      3½ Stars

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THE PRIVATE LIFE OF SHERLOCK HOLMES

SUMMARY:                RUNNING TIME: 2 Hrs., 5 Min.

Released in 1970, through United Artists (later MGM), director/producer Billy Wilder, with collaborator I.A.L. Diamond, also co-wrote the period mystery, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes

In the present-day, two London bank employees fulfill the late Dr. John H. Watson’s written instructions retrieving a locked strongbox from its vault fifty years after his death.  Amongst his treasured mementos examined are several props relevant to the film’s storyline, along with Watson’s handwritten account of a case he has long suppressed.  That is where the flashback begins.

Shifting to April 1887, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson return home to 221B Baker Street after resolving a homicide in Yorkshire. Quickly bored, a restless Holmes begrudgingly agree to accompany Watson to a ballet performance of Swan Lake.  Invited backstage, Holmes is propositioned by a Russian ballerina’s handler to become an illustrious sperm donor. Much to Watson’s shock and horror, Holmes tactfully concocts a phony excuse declining the proposed trade for an exquisite Stradivarius violin. 

Barely escaping a watery grave, an amnesiac Belgian wife, Gabrielle Valladon, is subsequently brought to their notice.  Her enigmatic plight compels Holmes and Watson to search for her missing husband.  Despite Mycroft Holmes’ insistence that his brother drop the matter, Sherlock’s determined curiosity fatefully leads him, along with Watson and effervescent Gabrielle, to Inverness, Scotland. 

As the case approaches its potentially heartbreaking end, romance, shadowy espionage, and even the Loch Ness Monster await the legendary British sleuth. 

Sherlock Holmes: Robert Stephens

Dr. John H. Watson/Narrator: Colin Blakely

Gabrielle Valladon / Ilse von Hoffmanstal: Geneviève Page

Mycroft Holmes: Christopher Lee

Mrs. Hudson: Irene Handl

Rogozhin: Clive Revill

Madame Petrova: Tamara Toumanova

Woman in Wheelchair: Catherine Lacey

Scottish Gravedigger: Stanley Holloway

Scottish Guide: James Copeland

Queen Victoria: Mollie Maureen

Von Tirpitz: Peter Madden

Cabbie: Michael Balfour

First Carter: John Garrie

Second Carter: Godfrey James

Hotel Manager: Robert Cawdron

Baggage Handler: Alex McCrindle

Scientists: John Scott Martin & Martin Carroll

Monk: Paul Hansard

Other Monks: Uncredited

Other Scientists: Uncredited

Other Gravediggers: Uncredited

Submersible Crew: Uncredited

20th Century Bank Employees: Uncredited

Emille Valladon: Uncredited

Additional Spies: Uncredited

Notes: The theatrical release is severely truncated from Wilder’s far more episodic, 200-minute initial cut.  Among the deleted segments left incomplete, and in some instances, completely lost, are: a present-day prologue, with Colin Blakely playing Watson’s descendant; the Yorkshire case (which is instead mentioned); the entire “Curious Case of the Upside Down Room,” where a bizarre homicide involves furniture literally up on the ceiling; the entire “Adventure of the Dumbfounded Detective,” which is a flashback spelling out Holmes’ sexuality (or perhaps lack thereof); a comedic cruise ship interlude entitled “The Dreadful Business of the Naked Honeymooners;” and two alternate epilogues – one of which references Jack the Ripper.  Predictably, the studio insisted upon a streamlined running time to maximize movie screenings per day. 

In 2016, the 30-foot Loch Ness Monster model lost underwater nearly a half-century before during on-location filming was finally located.  

REVIEW:

Utilizing Panavision cinematography, Billy Wilder devises a gorgeous-looking Sherlock Holmes adventure that echoes the Hollywood epics of the 1930’s through the early 1960’s.  More so, this production’s sets were evidently built either to or even beyond actual scale – think of it as the set designer fabricating an entire house when only a room would have been sufficient. 

Such elaboration also meant necessary decorations and props being more extensive than most other period films.  Taking closer looks at the construction overkill for 221B Baker Street and Mycroft’s swanky Diogenes Club will bear this observation out.  Between these enormous sets and authentic location shooting in Scotland, Wilder consequently produced the most expansive Sherlock Holmes project up to that time.

As much as Wilder’s 200-minute version would be fascinating viewing (in practicality, a TV mini-series would have made more sense), his two-hour incarnation doesn’t overstay its welcome.  Wilder’s storyline briskly blends mystery, light-hearted suspense, semi-risqué humor, historical spy games, the Loch Ness Monster, and timeless poignancy into a cinematic adult cocktail.  The best asset of which fulfilling Wilder’s vivid aspirations can be found in his casting.    

Despite the impossible task of surpassing Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce, the chemistry emanating between Robert Stephens and Colin Blakely is highly underrated – that is, given a century of competition from other productions.  Stephens (primarily a stage performer) is an inspired choice for a semi-effeminate Holmes.  Even more impressive is a hilarious Blakely (especially at the ballet) making a convincing case that he is the next-best blustery Watson after Nigel Bruce. 

Completing this trio is a wonderful contribution from French actress Geneviève Page, who projects a surprisingly complex successor to Irene Adler.  Adding welcome support are Irene Handl as the long-suffering ‘Mrs. Hudson,’ and Clive Revill’s amusing rendition of the ballerina’s handler, ‘Rogozhin.’ 

Yet, hiding in plain sight amongst a roster of non-descript British character actors is a near-unrecognizable Christopher Lee.  Unmistakably, he is spot-on in a pivotal turn as the condescending ‘Mycroft Holmes.’  Given he himself has portrayed Holmes multiple times, Lee lends further credibility to Wilder’s unique depiction of Conan Doyle’s mythology. 

‘Originality’ is perhaps the operative description of Wilder’s take on Sherlock Holmes.  Rejecting Hollywood’s decades of either loosely adapting Conan Doyle’s stories with mixed results or blandly conjuring up new Holmes escapades, Wilder strives for a classy middle ground celebrating fiction’s greatest detective.  Admirably, such creative effort is worth it as far as faithfully presenting Conan Doyle’s ensemble within a fresh big-screen mystery worthy of vintage Hollywood. 

The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, in that sense, is not meant as either gothic mystery or a period spoof of Conan Doyle.  Ultimately, Private Life is a Sherlock Holmes caper that even non-fans can appreciate as first-class entertainment.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                        8½ Stars

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