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QUICK CHANGE

SUMMARY:                    RUNNING TIME: 1 Hr., 29 Min.

In the summer of 1990, Warner Bros. released this R-rated comedy co-directed by screenwriter Howard Franklin and its star/co-producer Bill Murray.  Adapting Jay Cronley’s same-named novel, disgruntled city employee Grimm (Murray) – outlandishly dressed as a clown packing dynamite and a gun, along with his two best friends: girlfriend Phyllis (Davis) and dim-witted Loomis (Quaid), cleverly rob a mid-Manhattan bank in broad daylight.  Deliberately, their heist becomes a high-profile media event. 

Having disguised themselves among the released hostages, the trio soon find no matter how much they despise New York City, escaping town is still near-impossible.  Whether it is in their own disabled getaway car, a taxi with a driver (Shalhoub) who doesn’t comprehend English, or even the city bus that only drives near the airport, numerous mishaps await them. 

Prolonging their mad dash to the airport means the world-weary police chief (Robards), whom they outwitted at the bank, is slowly catching up to them.  For this elderly cop, nabbing this snarky trio means a welcome victory near the end of his career.  Then again, the infuriated local mob may have its own say in the matter.

Grimm: Bill Murray (his character’s first name isn’t revealed)

Phyllis Potter: Geena Davis

Loomis: Randy Quaid

NYPD Police Chief Walt Rotzinger: Jason Robards

NYPD Lt. Dennis Jameson: Richard Joseph Paul

Cabbie: Tony Shalhoub

Skelton: Victor Argo

Johnny: Stanley Tucci

Mario Manetti: Gary Howard Klar

Mr. and Mrs. Edison: Phil Hartman & Kathryn Grody

Motorist/Mugger: Jamey Sheridan

Bank Guard: Bob Elliott

Grocery Cashier: Steve Park

Flower Lady: Teodorina Bello

Guitar-Carrying Bus Passenger: Stuart Rodin

Bus Driver: Phillip Bosco

Russ Crane / Vince Lombino: Kurtwood Smith

Mrs. Crane / Mrs. Lombino: Susannah Bianchi

Notes: Quick Change is Murray’s sole directorial effort. It was also his second box office flop in a decade: the other being 1984’s The Razor’s Edge.

REVIEW:

Powered by this cast’s likability, Quick Change surpasses its flimsy plot – the expedited running time isn’t a coincidence.  While this ultra-cynical comedy’s primary quartet (Murray, Davis, Quaid, and Robards) carry Quick Change, it is familiar character actors in small roles who best shine.  Specifically, stealing scenes are Tony Shalhoub, Stanley Tucci, Bob Elliott, and, long before playing Red Forman on That 70’s Show, Kurtwood Smith makes crankiness resemble an art form.

As with 1989’s underachieving Disorganized Crime, the premise suffers from this foreseeable problem: why should viewers cheer these exasperated bandits, especially when innocent bystanders/victims are the ones left humiliated? One can surely relate to everyday annoyances in a big city – especially commuters, but glamorizing bank robbery, even in a wacky, non-violent Hollywood style, doesn’t really justify the means.  The sole reason this film’s sardonic humor works is how well the cast sells screenwriter/co-director Howard Franklin’s sharply-written gags. 

Aside from a series of well-played jabs at New Yorkers, this foul-mouthed heist picture won’t leave a lasting impression.  At its best, Quick Change is an amusing trifle.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                       6 Stars

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MY TWO DADS: THE GOD OF LOVE (Season 2: Episode 9)

SUMMARY:                  RUNNING TIME: 22:00 Min.

Premiering on NBC-TV on March 15, 1989, this episode of “My Two Dads” was scripted by Chuck Lorre and directed by Andrew D. Weyman.  Returning home after a movie, Michael (Reiser) and Nicole (Keanan) bemusedly find Joey (Evigan) and a female friend (Keifer) naked in bed.  Joey’s legendary womanizing now has Nicole’s impressionable teen pals idolizing him. 

Worse yet, Nicole embraces being suddenly ultra-popular, seemingly for that same reason. As the situation becomes increasingly untenable, Michael must convince a skeptical Joey to publicly humiliate himself to right their family’s status quo.  Ultimately, it’s about pitching the right role models to Nicole and, by extension, her closest friends. 

Michael Taylor: Paul Reiser

Joey Harris: Greg Evigan

Nicole Bradford: Staci Keanan

Judge Margaret W. Wilbur: Florence Stanley

Ed Klawicki: Dick Butkus

Shelby Haskell: Amy Hathaway

Cory Kupkus: Giovanni “Vonni” Ribisi

Zach Nichols: Chad Allen

Max: Blake Soper

Nina: Altizah Wiener

Lacey: Holly Sampson

Jenny Slater: Elizabeth Keifer

Melinda Weller: Leslie Neale

Klawicki’s Other Customers: Uncredited

REVIEW:

TV screenwriter Chuck Lorre’s effort at teasing sex education for teens in “The God of Love” is cringe-worthy.  His script’s PG-rated sexist antics objectifying women as mere pick-up targets falls short of good intentions. More specifically, the story’s resolution is far too ridiculous to be of any practical help to a real parent.

Instead of a firm father-daughter sit-down discussion, sitcom logic evidently dictates that ‘Michael’ and especially ‘Joey’ take their time playing up off-screen promiscuity for middling laughs before finally getting around to some responsible parenting. Hence, two-thirds of “The God of Love” risks being almost unwatchable.  

This episode’s last few scenes, despite the ongoing silliness, are relatively good, including how guest star Leslie Neale angrily rebuffs Evigan’s smarmy “Joey,” much to the ‘shock’ of the teen characters.  Otherwise, even the cast’s usual charm doesn’t carry the insipid “God of Love” far.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                       3½ Stars

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MY TWO DADS: PILOT (Season 1: Episode 1)

SUMMARY:                   RUNNING TIME: 24:00 Min.

Premiering on NBC-TV on September 20, 1987, the pilot episode for “My Two Dads” was scripted by series producer-creator Michael Jacobs and directed by John Tracy.  Thirteen years after a Key West getaway from college and their friendship broken up over their rivalry for beautiful Marcy Bradford, high-strung, yuppie financial advisor Michael Taylor (Reiser) and free-spirited artist Joey Harris (Evigan) are reunited in Judge Margaret Wilbur’s (Stanley) office. 

At stake is the late Marcy Bradford’s last wishes, which bequeaths custody of her twelve-year-old daughter, Nicole (Keanan) to Nicole’s biologically indeterminate father(s).  Hence, Michael and Joey, as much as they dislike one another, now find themselves as co-parents of a pre-teen Nicole.

Initially living with free-spirited Joey, a grieving Nicole realizes she needs both her fathers in her suddenly upside-down life.  Despite her own doubts, a compassionate Judge Wilbur is willing to take a chance on it.

Michael Taylor: Paul Reiser

Joey Harris: Greg Evigan

Nicole Bradford: Staci Keanan

Judge Margaret W. Wilbur: Florence Stanley

Kathryn: Amanda Horan Kennedy (aka Barbara Horan)

Pizza Boy: Max Perlich

Notes: Prior to Greg Evigan’s theme song, “You Can Count on Me,” for the TV series, the pilot utilized a generic instrumental theme.  Series regular Florence Stanley is credited as a guest star.   

REVIEW:

Among the ultra-contrived TV sitcom premises of the mid-to-late 80’s, “My Two Dads” likely ranks near the top of that dubious list.  Aside from the ‘biologically indeterminate’ nonsense that a paternity test could easily resolve, how well does this pilot episode hold up thirty-six years later?  One ought to consider the answer a matter of degrees – not to mention, the show pitches more risqué humor than one might expect for a supposedly kid-friendly program.

Landing a few acerbic innuendos, sitcom veteran Florence Stanley steals her scenes as a no-nonsense family court judge.  Also brightening the episode is newcomer Staci Keanan, who makes the best of the eye-rolling storyline, as written.  Guest star Amanda Horan Kennedy’s charm helps carry the opening sequence, making it a shame that her character (as Michael’s an  attorney) never appeared again. 

Note: Emma Samms subsequently played Nicole’s late mother in a ‘dream’ episode.  In retrospect, Horan Kennedy would have been an ideal casting choice as ‘Marcy.’  Her coincidental resemblance to Keanan is frankly closer than Reiser, Evigan, or Samms – making the storyline’s who’s-the-father? concept a much easier sell to viewers.

The flip side, ironically, would be the efforts from co-leads Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan.  Evidently too eager to land his heavily-scripted retorts (a pause or two would have been helpful), Reiser should have dialed back his performance a notch.  Still, at least his tightly-wound yuppie comes off more believable than Evigan’s urban artist.  Beyond the ultra-implausible loft apartment ‘Joey’ somehow magically affords, it’s not Evigan’s fault that his impulsive character is such a grating and thinly-written cliché.  While Evigan enjoys good chemistry with Reiser and Keanan, his one-dimensional ‘Joey’ is this pilot’s biggest misstep.

All things considered, the first “My Two Dads” episode actually isn’t half-bad.  Suffice to say, the 80’s had some far more nauseating dreck posing as sitcoms – Small Wonder, anyone? 

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                         5 Stars

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SHERLOCK HOLMES: A STUDY IN SCARLET (1933 Film)

SUMMARY:               RUNNING TIME: 1 Hr., 12 Min.

Released in 1933, this black-and-white Sherlock Holmes murder-mystery lifts its title from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s 1887 original Holmes novel.  Hence, the plot is officially credited as being only “suggested” by Doyle’s work, but the story is otherwise an original creation.  Directed by Edwin L. Marin, this film was made in California as a KBS Production.

Set in the present-day, a corpse is discovered aboard a train at London’s Victoria Station.  Yet, this supposed suicide victim is the only latest homicide befalling an enigmatic clique linked to China known as ‘The Scarlet Ring.’  With another victim’s daughter, young Eileen Forrester (Clyde), reluctantly joining the ‘Ring,’ she finds that her father’s attorney, Thaddeus Merrydew (Dinehart), is its unscrupulous and ever-evasive mastermind. 

Sensing that a crime cartel’s members are being systematically eliminated, Sherlock Holmes (Owen) pursues leads pertaining to Merrydew’s other suspicious clients.  Among them is the sultry and recently widowed Mrs. Pyke (Wong).  Each of the Ring’s dead pawns is revealed to possess a written note ominously reciting a familiar nursery rhyme counting down ten doomed ‘children.’ 

Pursuing a shadowy serial killer, Holmes knows an innocent woman’s life is at stake, as is a sizable inheritance.  It’s up to Holmes and Scotland Yard’s Inspector Lestrade (Dinehart) to thwart a murderous conspiracy banking on greed. 

Sherlock Holmes: Reginald Owen

Dr. John H. Watson: Warburton Gamble

Thaddeus Merrydew: Allan Dinehart (aka Alan Dinehart)

Mrs. Pyke: Anna May Wong

Eileen Forrester: June Clyde

John Stanford: John Warburton

Inspector Lestrade (misspelled as ‘Lastrade’): Allan Mowbray

Jobez Wilson: J.M. Kerrigan

Mrs. Hudson: Tempe Pigott

Will Swallow: Billy Bevan

Mrs. Murphy: Doris Lloyd

Daffy Dolly: Leila Bennett

Dearing: Halliwell Hobbs

Capt. Pyke: Wyndham Standing

Ah Yet: Tetsu Komai

Merrydew’s Butler: Olaf Hytten

Thompson: Hobart Cavanaugh

Baker: Cecil Reynolds

James Murphy: Uncredited

Train Housekeeper # 1: Uncredited

Train Housekeeper # 2: Uncredited

Partridge (Train Steward): Uncredited

Rumfeld (Train Maintenance Worker): Uncredited

Lestrade’s Plainclothes Cops: Uncredited

Notes: Owen is among the few actors to have portrayed both Holmes and Dr. Watson on film.  Hobbs and Mowbray (though separately) later appeared in the Sherlock Holmes film series co-starring Basil Rathbone & Nigel Bruce.  Late in this film is an extraordinary gaffe: a newspaper advertisement’s close-up depicts Holmes’ address as “221A Baker Street” rather than Doyle’s “221b Baker Street.”  An actor subsequently verbalizes the same mistake in dialogue.

REVIEW:

One should first keep in mind the film’s historical relevancy among Hollywood’s earliest (and best-known) surviving adaptations of Sherlock Holmes, no matter how faithful it isn’t to Conan Doyle.  Interestingly, this film’s smoke-and-mirrors twists predate the film adaptation of Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None and Basil Rathbone’s Sherlock Holmes: The House of Fear by twelve years. 

Perhaps less surprising is that both these 1945 films easily surpass Reginald Owen’s Sherlock Holmes whodunnit.  Despite its neat premise (one that Owen himself wrote the dialogue), the script’s execution is exceedingly bland.  Trying to instead visualize Rathbone’s Holmes and Nigel Bruce’s Watson might help somewhat relieve the tedium.

It is also ironic how Anna May Wong’s intriguing femme fatale in limited screen time is far more watchable than observing Owen and Warburton Gamble tread their ultra-wooden paces as Holmes & Watson.

1933’s A Study in Scarlet, if anything, is worthwhile just to see a Golden Age star like Wong on screen.  Getting a decent resolution to this storyline’s mystery is something of a bonus, too.  Otherwise, The House of Fear and the original And Then There Were None are recommended as more satisfying viewing options.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                     4 Stars

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“GORGEOUS” JIMMY GARVIN, WITH PRECIOUS VS. BRAD ARMSTRONG (NWA World Championship Wrestling: Aired 2-7-1987)

SUMMARY:          APPROX. RUNNING TIME:10:44 Min.

The match was taped at a house show, in either January or early February of 1987, from Washington, D.C.’s Armory.  The bout subsequently aired on February 7, 1987, for WTBS’ World Championship Wrestling TV series.  Garvin’s valet (and real-life spouse), Precious, is at ringside. 

The match’s commentators are Tony Schiavone and promoter David Crockett.   

REVIEW:

As a peripheral NWA main event attraction, Jimmy Garvin’s charismatic talents and flashy appearance convey that he and his blond valet, Precious, were the promotion’s answer to the WWF’s legendary “Macho Man” Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth.  Predating Savage & Elizabeth’s mass popularity by a few years, the Garvin/Precious duo’s presence in the mid-to-late ‘80s NWA often made for some good viewing.  Case in point: Garvin’s brand of obnoxious heel tactics proves well-suited against the underrated Brad Armstrong. 

Despite such reliable in-ring work as a second-generation pro, Armstrong never got his own high-profile gimmick/angle to shine.  Though he would later be reduced into some under-the-radar masked roles, at least Armstrong was never publicly humiliated like Terry Taylor’s Red Rooster.  Armstrong, as seen in this bout, reminds viewers why he was among the NWA’s best technical performers by readily keeping up with Garvin’s star power.

Case in point: Armstrong’s match-ending hard fall to the arena’s parquet floor signifies his toughness by getting up fast.  This routine encounter isn’t likely to inspire multiple viewings, but it is all means watchable.       

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                    5½ Stars

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NWA U.S. TAG TEAM CHAMPION BARRY WINDHAM VS. ARN ANDERSON (NWA World Championship Wrestling: Aired 2-7-1987)

SUMMARY:         APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 12:13 Min.

Taped in either January or early February of 1987, this house show match from Philadelphia’s Civic Center was aired on February 7, 1987, for WTBS’ World Championship Wrestling TV series.  Appearing without his Four Horseman cronies, Arn Anderson (then half of the Minnesota Wrecking Crew with Ole Anderson) faces off against rival Barry Windham.  At the time, Windham shared half of the NWA’s U.S. Tag Team Championship with Ronnie Garvin. 

Providing the match’s commentary are Tony Schiavone and promoter David Crockett.

REVIEW:

Making it look easy, even an average Windham vs. Anderson match-up surpasses many of their contemporaries on their best days.  While this TV showdown might not inspire multiple viewings, the sweaty workmanship that Windham and Anderson put forth in this rugged bout is still commendable.  More so, one gets a welcome clean finish in this nostalgic NWA treat.          

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                    7 Stars

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NWA WORLD TV CHAMPION TULLY BLANCHARD, WITH JAMES J. DILLON VS. “THE AMERICAN DREAM” DUSTY RHODES (NWA World Championship Wrestling: Aired 2-7-1987)

SUMMARY:         APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 9:34 Min.

Taped in either January or early February of 1987, this title rematch from the Los Angeles Forum subsequently aired on February 7, 1987, for WTBS’ World Championship Wrestling TV series.  In a battle of perennial rivals, an extra stipulation is a supposed $10,000.00 cash prize offered by James J. Dillon of The Four Horsemen.  Also making appearances are Barry Windham and The Horsemen’s Arn Anderson.  

Providing the match’s commentary are Tony Schiavone and promoter David Crockett.

REVIEW:

Given it is a standard TV-caliber match, Rhodes and Blanchard at least supply some worthwhile viewing.  One amusing sequence stands out: Rhodes and Dillon first yank a ‘semi-conscious’ Blanchard in a tug-of-war; and then Rhodes ‘double-teams’ the World TV Champion and Dillon with a flurry of his patented “Bionic Elbows.”  Otherwise, one can expect the usual shenanigans (i.e., Anderson & Blanchard draw blood on Rhodes), plus an invariably cheap finish. 

Considering the players involved, this NWA World TV title defense serves a nostalgic treat for mid-80’s NWA fans.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                        5½ Stars

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NWA WORLD CHAMPION “NATURE BOY” RIC FLAIR VS. NWA U.S. CHAMPION “THE RUSSIAN NIGHTMARE” NIKITA KOLOFF {No Disqualification Match} (NWA World Championship Wrestling: Aired 2-7-1987)

SUMMARY:          APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 32:33 Min.

Taped in either January or early February 1987, this no-disqualification title rematch from Starrcade ’86 pitting the NWA’s two top singles champions against one another takes place at the Coliseum in Charlotte, NC.  The bout subsequently aired on February 7, 1987, for WTBS’ World Championship Wrestling TV series. 

Late in the game, backing Flair is his nefarious Four Horsemen crony, Tully Blanchard.  Koloff’s ‘Superpowers’ tag team partner, “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes, also makes an appearance to even the odds.   

REVIEW:

It is easy to recall Sting and Lex Luger as the greatest power wrestlers challenging Ric Flair’s NWA World Championship reign in the Late ‘80s.  Yet, Nikita Koloff, in his prime, was no slouch, either. 

Considering Koloff’s remarkable in-ring chemistry with Flair, one wonders why “The Russian Nightmare” did not serve a brief run as the NWA’s World Champion.  His powerhouse gimmick, suffice to say, was ideal for the old school NWA mindset that preferred wrestlers over live-action cartoons. 

Despite a predictably inconclusive finish, Koloff demonstrates that he could readily keep up with Flair’s renowned stamina for more than a half-hour.  Make no mistake: Flair and Koloff’s athletic choreography ages far better than sitting through one of Hulk Hogan’s sluggish WWF World Title defenses against Nikolai Volkoff.  Wrestling nostalgia buffs, if anything, should consider revisiting the mid-80’s Koloff-Flair feud as some of the best low-key NWA World Title clashes of that era. 

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                       7 Stars

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WCW LAST-MAN-STANDING, OVER-THE- TOP MILLIONAIRES’ CLUB VS. THE NEW BLOOD BATTLE ROYAL (WCW Thunder: Aired 5-3-2000)

SUMMARY:                 RUNNING TIME: Approx. 26:12 Min.

At the Mid-South Coliseum in Memphis, TN, this street fight battle royal served as the main event for WTBS’ WCW Thunder TV episode on May 3, 2000.  Reminiscent of the NWA’s anything-goes Bunkhouse Stampedes of the late ‘80’s, participants wear ‘street clothes’ and the New Blood faction brings blunt weapons of choice.  Baited by “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, the New Blood’s Eric Bischoff agrees that the last-standing participant scores a WCW World Heavyweight Championship title shot at the Great American Bash Pay-Per-View the following month. 

The vastly outnumbered Millionaires’ Club is led by Flair.  Joining him are “Diamond” Dallas Page; Sting; Hulk Hogan; “The Total Package” Lex Luger; Curt Hennig; Horace Hogan; “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan; Chris Kanyon; Hugh Morrus; and KroniK (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark).

With 20-25 guys, Bischoff and Vince Russo’s New Blood army consists of: Jeff Jarrett; Billy Kidman; Harlem Heat’s quartet (including Booker T, Stevie Ray, & Tony Norris – the WWE’s ex-“Ahmed Johnson”); Tank Abbott; Mike Awesome; Van Hammer; Ernest “The Cat” Miller; Chris Candido; Shawn Stasiak; Marcus Bagwell; Vampiro; Scott Steiner; Konnan; Johnny the Bull; Disco Inferno; The Wall; Bam Bam Bigelow; The Harris Brothers; and Norman Smiley. 

Additional guest stars includes: Bret “Hitman” Hart; Madusa; Mona; Asya; Tammy Lynn Sytch; and, in his final WCW appearance, “Macho Man” Randy Savage (who had abruptly exited WCW soon after Road Wild ’99).  Ominously mentioned as ‘locked away’ by Russo, Miss Elizabeth does not appear.   

The match’s commentary team consists of Tony Schiavone, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, & “Iron” Mike Tenay.

Notes: As a parental advisory, this free-for-all includes man vs. woman violence.  RE: stars not included: for The Millionaires’ Club, among them are Kevin Nash, Sid Vicious, Rick Steiner, & Barry Windham; for the New Blood, one could mention, for instance, Chuck Palumbo, Mark Jindrak, and Sean O’Haire. Goldberg’s absence, at the time, was due to an extended injury leave.

REVIEW:

Let’s review the backstory first.  By mid-2000 (WCW’s last full year of operation), World Championship Wrestling was in freefall, both creatively and financially.  Out of desperation, a hapless WCW rehired ex-boss Eric Bischoff and one of his failed successors, Vince Russo, to co-manage the promotion; this uneasy partnership, suffice to say, lasted a few months.   

Their short-lived ‘big idea’ was to vacate all championships and forcibly reboot the company in a variation of its profitable 1996-99 WCW vs. New World Order (NWO) mega-feud.  Including several of its biggest-name NWO alumni, the company’s aging main eventers (aka ‘The Millionaires’ Club’) were pitched as lumbering yet sympathetic babyfaces. 

The snarky villains would be WCW’s suppressed young talent, with veterans Jeff Jarrett and Shane Douglas cast as its in-ring leadership.  Predictably, Russo and Bischoff doubled as the New Blood’s gloating on-screen masterminds.

As with Bischoff’s NWO, such a concept had been lifted from Japan, so there was a successful precedent.  Further, pitting two wrestling generations’ legitimate resentment/animosity against one other seemingly made good sense on paper, at least from WCW’s perspective.    

Here’s the rub: Ted Turner’s WCW too often didn’t grasp long-term planning, let alone foresee fallout from ultra-stupid booking (i.e., 1990’s Capitol Combat: The Return of Robocop).  Once Bischoff and Hulk Hogan transformed WCW into their hugely expensive playground, such bone-headed decision-making gradually shifted to the rule vs. being forgiven as misguided exceptions. 

Case in point: subsequently ceding creative authority to an ultra-selfish Hogan and Kevin Nash, among others, a series of ludicrous programming blunders became the obvious culprit for WCW’s eroding fanbase. Still, if all went well, this overbooked Bunkhouse Stampede featuring nearly the entire roster would then justify how Russo & Bischoff programmed WCW’s upcoming summer Pay-Per-Views.    

Spelling out WCW’s dumpster fire mentality, unfortunately, this grungy, all-star gang warfare is best skipped.  Veterans, such as Page, Jarrett, and even a fifty-year-old Flair (in a dress shirt and slacks, no less), muster decent fight choreography for TV.  It isn’t nearly enough to overcome Russo & Bischoff’s blatant disrespect for pro wrestling fans’ intelligence.  Whatever their motives were, this smug duo appears on-screen practically gleeful peddling trash to disinterested WCW audiences.      

For instance, despite the varying camera angles, it is impossible to tell which unaffiliated ‘mercenary’ is on which side – invariably, some even switch sides. More so, the match’s chaotic nature doesn’t show when or how several participants (especially late-comers) enter and/or leave the ring. Perhaps these confusing match elements were meant as bits of shades-of-gray realism, but they certainly fall short of watchability.

One element, however, is inevitable: WCW’s tone-deaf squandering of mega-star talent on its payroll, especially as outside inference.  For instance: off WCW television since Fall 1999, a jacked-up, 47-year-old Savage’s unexpected return initially pays off.  Yet, Savage’s half-hearted series of running double-ax handles on the opposition implies how far his renowned mobility had diminished.  Teasing that the “Macho Man” had resumed active duty, his one-shot presence leads to nothing – aside from a brief reunion of the Mega-Powers.

Another unnecessary eyesore is Bret Hart’s own brief contribution.  To epitomize his disappointing WCW tenure, Hart’s chair-swinging actions, let alone his murky allegiance, make no sense to the supposed plot.  Lastly, the company’s worst sleaze is the New Blood’s gang-style violence perpetrated against female wrestlers (and vice-versa).   Faked or not, such visuals come off as an utterly putrid display packaged as so-called “entertainment.”

If anything, this ugly battle royal is a master class in wasting the still-considerable talent pool that WCW had under contract – both its past-their-prime legends and the supposedly rising New Blood horde. 

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                  1½ Stars

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THE ROAD WARRIORS (HAWK & ANIMAL), WITH PAUL ELLERING VS. THE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (“PLAYBOY” DENNIS CONDREY & “BEAUTIFUL BOBBY EATON), WITH JIM CORNETTE & BIG BUBBA ROGERS {Scaffold Match} (NWA World Championship Wrestling: Aired 2-7-1987)

SUMMARY:             APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 9:00 Min.

Taped in either January or early February 1987, this scaffold rematch from Starrcade ’86 (with all the same players) occurs at the Los Angeles Forum.  The bout subsequently aired on February 7, 1987, for WTBS’ World Championship Wrestling TV series.  Per the match’s stipulations, both tag team partners must fall from the scaffold devised above the ring for the other team to prevail. 

From Jim Cornette’s purported description of the Starrcade ’86 bout, the NWA’s scaffold set-up was an estimated twenty-five feet off the arena floor, as compared to about twenty feet above the ring’s mat.  Provided a six-foot wrestler is precariously hanging beneath the scaffold at his full outstretched height, one is still looking, at best, at a fourteen-foot drop.  

REVIEW:

As Cornette had gruesomely blown out his knee in a botched scaffold stunt a few months earlier at Starrcade ’86, it’s no surprise that his contributions are restricted to taunting.  Later rebranded as the WWF’s Big Boss Man, Big Bubba’s menacing presence amounts to nothing this time.  The same applies to Hawk & Animal’s manager, Paul Ellering. 

If anything, Condrey and Eaton’s initially on-screen leeriness is justifiable – as if anybody really wants to plunge the equivalent off the roof of a house, with little to no padding waiting below.  Given such enormous risk, stunt work in scaffold matches conveys 250+-pound guys straddling a tightrope, and this ultra-predictable bout is no exception. 

The good news is that the losers had prior experience taking such perilous falls and managed to evade injury – lucky them.  Conversely, despite its star power, this “Night of the Skywalkers” rematch struggles to be watchable. 

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                       4 Stars

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