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IT’S A LIVING: CRITIC’S CHOICE (Season 4: Episode 10)

SUMMARY:                RUNNING TIME: 21:24 Min.

First airing in syndication on December 6, 1986, J.D. Lobue directed this episode off Roger Garrett’s script.  Ultra-snooty restaurant critic and acclaimed international chef, Francois Roti (Braden), is personally invited from France to come review the L.A. restaurant: Above The Top.  Maître’ d’ Nancy (Mercer) is warned by a corporate executive (Lieberman) that there had better be a dazzling profile coming from Roti … or there will be wholesale turnover in staffing. 

As it turns out, the womanizing Roti is Howard the chef’s (Stahl) despised rival from cooking school several years before.  Hence, how far is a determined Nancy willing to go to impress Roti and potentially save all their jobs? 

The waitresses, meanwhile, are baffled why Ginger (Lee Ralph) would gladly accompany pianist (and perpetual sleazeball) Sonny (Kreppel) for a Palms Springs weekend road trip.   

Jan Hoffmeyer Gray: Barrie Youngfellow

Dorothy “Dot” Higgins: Gail Edwards

Amy Tompkins: Crystal Bernard

Ginger St. James: Sheryl Lee Ralph

Sonny Mann: Paul Kreppel

Howard Miller: Richard Stahl

Nancy Beebe: Marian Mercer

Francois Roti: John Braden

Mrs. Colette Roti: June Claman

Mr. Whalon: Rick Lieberman

Restaurant Extras: Uncredited  

REVIEW:

Leading off with a pair of fun Sonny sight gags, “Critic’s Choice” is a welcome sitcom treat – no matter how middling it otherwise seems.  While the ‘Howard vs. Roti’ feud gets the most chuckles, the ensemble cast all contribute watchable performances.  The scene where Richard Stahl’s generally stone-faced ‘Howard’ verbally runs down his old nemesis, is an amusing surprise.  Another script asset is giving Marian Mercer’s flirtatious ‘Nancy,’ along with Stahl, some fine character moments. 

As for the ‘Ginger/Sonny’ sub-plot, it predictably amounts to nothing.  Still, Sonny’s latest round of ineptly schmoozing the four waitresses for a meaningless weekend fling is worth a chuckle.  This re-run, overall, modestly wins on its mid-80’s charm, including even the ridiculously cheery opening credits/theme song segment.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                       5 Stars

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MIKE HAMMER, PRIVATE EYE: DUMP THE CREEP (Season 2: Episode 8)

SUMMARY:                     RUNNING TIME: 43:14 Min.

Reuniting with producer Jay Bernstein, star (and co-executive producer) Stacy Keach resurrected Mike Hammer for a short-lived syndicated run of twenty-six episodes over two seasons in 1997-98.  This syndicated TV episode first aired on April 6, 1998.  Dimitri Logothetis directed the episode from a script co-written by Peter McGovern & Michael O’Connell.

Prodded by an egotistical call-in radio psychiatrist (Markoe), Hammer’s (Keach) far younger girlfriend, Nadine (Deno), reluctantly dumps him.  After Hammer angrily confronts ‘Dr. Sylvia,’ at her office, she soon winds up dead in her office’s dressing room (yes, the idea of supposed radio celebrities with private dressing rooms is amusing). 

Still, it appears that others aren’t fans of Dr. Sylvia’s abrasive relationship advice, either.  As a fugitive suspect framed for three murders, the big question mark for Hammer is: whose grudge is personal enough to repeatedly commit cold-blooded homicide? For that matter, is it possible that the hard-boiled sleuth has something in common with the culprit?  

Mike Hammer / Hammer’s Father (flashback): Stacy Keach

Velda: Shannon Whirry

Nick Farrell: Shane Conrad

Deputy Mayor Barry Lawrence: Kent Williams (appears in the title credits only)

NYPD (35th Precinct) Capt. Skip Gleason: Peter Jason

Grady: Gregg Daniel

Maya Ricci: Malgosia Tomassi (Keach’s real-life spouse)

Dr. Sylvia: Merrill Markoe

Frank: Gary Hudson

Ethan: Joe Crummy

Hailie: Elizabeth Baldwin

Sam Moeller: Michael Kagan

Dr. Simmons: Dr. Joyce Brothers

Nadine: Mary Deno

‘The Face’: Rebekah Chaney

Sylvia’s Radio Producer: Uncredited

Gangster (flashback): Uncredited

Mike Hammer – 9 years old (flashback): Shannon Keach (Keach & Tomassi’s son)

Herb Liebmann: Ritchie Montgomery

Herb’s Construction Workers: Uncredited

Reece (talent agent): Greg Grunberg

Duane (security guard): Ross Strauss

Keach’s Stunt Double: Uncredited

Ethan’s Stunt Double: Uncredited

Radio Station Engineers: Uncredited

Police Station (35th Precinct) Extras: Uncredited

Journalists/Photographers: Uncredited

Reece’s Audition Extras: Uncredited

Memorial Service Extras: Uncredited

Uniformed Cops: Uncredited

Policewoman (35th Precinct): Uncredited

Carmine Miranda: Uncredited

Dr. Sylvia’s on-air clients (female voices only): Uncredited

Dr. Wanda (voice only): Uncredited

Radio Ad (male voice only): Uncredited

Lou’s Bar Extras: Uncredited

Swimsuit Model: Caroline Ambrose

Warehouse Creep # 1: Uncredited

Warehouse Creep # 2: Uncredited.

Notes:  Curiously, this syndicated version of Mike Hammer isn’t a sequel to the 1984-87 CBS-TV series.  Case in point: besides Williams’ character by a slightly different name, the role of ‘Velda’ has been re-imagined and recast with a younger actress.  More so, unlike Keach’s prior version, the mysterious ‘Face’ forever eluding Hammer is never resolved. 

REVIEW:

Even without a network TV budget, 56-year-old Stacy Keach’s Mike Hammer is still watchable – to a degree.  Now far more an undemanding guilty pleasure, what this low-rent revival series sorely misses is the original show’s sense of updated noir.   With plausibility mostly out the window, the dubious trade-off on a limited budget is a ridiculous over-emphasis on scantily-clad women and too much cheesy humor – the trashy “Dump the Creep” is a prime example.  

Given this episode’s surplus of amateurish acting, such sleazy elements are pushed to an even more blatant degree than Keach’s original Hammer series.  Case in point: “Dump the Creep” squanders a solid contemporary premise and even a few good scenes, as the show’s pedestrian execution is too readily evident. The supposed need for Hammer to briefly bump into a not-so-bright swimsuit model at a radio station, no less, speaks for itself. The same applies to Hammer’s twenty-something girlfriend decked out in sexy lingerie for her two scenes (while supposedly waiting for hours on end before the gumshoe finally shows up). 

Aside from quirky casting of Dr. Joyce Brothers in a minor role, the plot’s sense of imagination doesn’t extend much beyond a well-played pre-credits sequence. For the logic police investigating plot holes, here’s a glaring one: exactly how would the culprit know about (let alone know where to find) Hammer’s own personal shrink is left to the imagination – that is, beyond a brief flashback of the second homicide Hammer is framed for? One can assume that Hammer was being unknowingly shadowed, but the script doesn’t clarify this point.

Another nonsensical moment (frankly, it’s more disturbing without giving away a spoiler) is how the epilogue has Hammer’s voice-over express sympathy for the culprit, as far as needing some heavy-duty therapy. Considering how one of this episode’s brutal homicides (as mentioned above) is a totally innocent bystander, such sentiment makes no sense. It’s worsened by the inference that Hammer has evidently shrugged off a personal confidant’s murder that was solely meant to incriminate him.

Before the culprit’s ‘big reveal’ becomes a giveaway in the last ten minutes (including a ludicrous stunt sequence), this tawdry murder-mystery rates maybe a 3 or 4 on anybody’s 0-10 whodunnit scale.  “Dump the Creep,” as a whole, has some entertaining moments, but it’s also a readily forgettable excuse for late-night viewing.     

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                         3 Stars

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MIKE HAMMER, PRIVATE EYE: A CANDIDATE FOR MURDER (Season 2: Episode 7)

SUMMARY:              RUNNING TIME: 43:15 Min.

Reuniting with producer Jay Bernstein, star (and co-executive producer) Stacy Keach resurrected Mike Hammer for a short-lived syndicated run of twenty-six episodes over two seasons in 1997-98.  This TV episode first aired on March 1, 1998. Jonathan Winfrey directed the episode from screenwriter Chris Baena’s script. On this occasion, Keach’s former co-star, Kent Williams, returns in a thinly-disguised retread of his 1984-87 role as Hammer’s prickly nemesis, ‘Assistant District Attorney Lawrence D. Barrington.’

With his campaign for District Attorney in its final days, hard-nosed Deputy Mayor Barry Lawrence’s (Williams) extra-marital affair with a scheming young model (Chun) has been brutally silenced.  Having been burnt up {off-screen} in her apartment’s own oven, the police dismiss Tracy Potter’s death as merely a bizarre suicide.  Perusing the crime scene, Hammer quickly realizes that it’s definitely murder.  To console Potter’s grieving parents (Kam & Kelly-Young), Hammer seeks to uncover how far Lawrence, is willing to go to protect/advance his career. 

After resisting arrest, Hammer’s stint in the 35th Precinct’s jail means his protégés, Nick & Velda (Conrad & Whirry), conduct much of the case’s footwork.  A masked thug means to violently scare them (and later Hammer) off the scent by any means necessary.  Among the simmering possibilities is a blackmailing tabloid journalist and an illicit money laundering scheme linking Lawrence’s campaign coffers to a Hudson River environmental group.  Yet, who really has the most sordid reason for killing the victim? 

Velda, meanwhile, persuades a reluctant Grady (Daniel) to put up Lou’s Bar as collateral towards Hammer’s $25,000.00 bail for assault and battery to help snare the seemingly elusive killer.       

Note: There is a glaring discrepancy between the murder (briefly seen before the opening credits) and a climatic flashback supposedly replaying the monents before that same sequence.  Suffice to say, look for the black leather gloves or, later, the absence thereof.  Hence, the most vital forensic clue makes no sense, if the pre-credits scene is accurate.

Mike Hammer: Stacy Keach

Velda: Shannon Whirry

Nick Farrell: Shane Conrad

Deputy Mayor Barry Lawrence: Kent Williams

NYPD (35th Precinct) Capt. Skip Gleason: Peter Jason

Grady: Gregg Daniel

Maya Ricci: Malgosia Tomassi (Keach’s real-life spouse)

Lucille Banks: Karen Moncrieff

Claire Lawrence: Kimberly Warren

Jonathan Lawrence: Dean Scofield

Tracy Potter: Alexandra Bokyun Chun (aka Bok Yun Chon)

Mrs. Potter: Cynthia Kam

Mr. Potter: Leonard Kelly-Young

Carl Prichard: Unidentified

Chloe: Suzanne Krull

Underwood (cop): Uncredited

Uniformed Cops: Uncredited

Lawrence’s Chauffeur: Gregory McKinney

Inmate # 1: Jeff Thomas

Other Jail Inmates: Uncredited

Jailed Prostitutes: Uncredited

Lawrence’s Campaign Workers: Uncredited

Lawrence & Banks’ Police Station Entourage: Uncredited

Cece (Lucille’s Aide): Uncredited

Journalists: Uncredited

Natural Rivers Now Representative: Caroline Williams

Lou’s Bar Extras: Uncredited

Police Station Extras: Uncredited

City Extras: Uncredited

Natural Rivers Now Office Extras: Uncredited

Beauty Salon/Nail Salon Extras: Uncredited

‘The Face:’ Rebekah Chaney

Unspecified Roles: Jeff Thomas, Shayna Ryan, Ryan Thomas Brown, Michael Barrett Caron, & Jason Carmichael.

Notes:  Curiously, this syndicated version of Mike Hammer isn’t a sequel to the 1984-87 TV series on CBS-TV.  Case in point: besides Williams’ character being identified by a slightly different name, the role of Hammer’s long-time secretary, ‘Velda’ has been re-imagined and recast with a younger actress.  More so, unlike Keach’s prior version, the mysterious ‘Face’ forever eluding Hammer is teased yet never resolved. 

REVIEW:

Lacking a network TV budget, 56-year-old Stacy Keach’s Mike Hammer is still watchable – that is, to a modest degree.  With his hard-boiled gumshoe jailed for more than half of this episode (fair warning: this show’s loose concept of a jail cell is amusing), co-stars Shannon Whirry and Shane Conrad do okay work in their extended screen time.

Note: Considering the extensive beating Conrad’s Nick Farrell takes in one scene, it’s “amazing” how upon regaining consciousness moments later, he is physically unscathed. At a minimum, bruised ribs, a busted-up face, and a concussion would have occurred, had there been any sense of reality. 

With some tweaking (i.e. replacing the surplus of amateur hour detective genre antics with plausible noir), this standard-issue plot might have been a ideal fit for Keach’s 1984-87 Hammer – especially with Kent Williams playing ‘Lawrence D. Barrington’ again.  In this instance, however, both the not-so-impressive ensemble acting and the script hover merely upwards toward lukewarm – including a tasteless macho joke before the epilogue. 

If anything, given the broad hints in the episode’s second half, the ‘big reveal’ subsequently rates maybe a 3 at most on anybody’s 0-10 whodunnit scale. “A Candidate for Murder, overall, is low-rent, late-night viewing that proves easily forgettable the next morning.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                3 Stars

Note: Working a similar premise, Columbo’s 1973 “Candidate for Crime” (with Peter Falk & guest star Jackie Cooper) is a recommended viewing alternative – even if its last 15-20 minutes are far-fetched. 

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MIKE HAMMER, PRIVATE EYE: HOOP NIGHTMARES (Season 1: Episode 4)

SUMMARY:        RUNNING TIME: 43:17 Min.

Reuniting with producer Jay Bernstein, star (and co-executive producer) Stacy Keach resurrected Mike Hammer for a short-lived syndicated run of twenty-six episodes over two seasons in 1997-98.  This TV episode first aired on October 18, 1997.  Rex Piano directed the episode off screenwriter George Melrod’s script. 

Greedy sports agent Jeff King (Uncredited) is murdered one night at point-black range in his office.  The police’s prime suspect is the NBA’s inevitable number one pick in its coming draft: Mayron Hughes (Cross).  Referred to Mike Hammer by his ex-coach (Houston), Mayron desperately needs Hammer’s help.  With Mayron locked up for most of the episode, Hammer must decipher who the killer’s vendetta is really against: the slick-talking victim or Mayron himself. 

On and off the court, Hammer’s investigation leads him to King’s ambitious ex-girlfriend-turned-rival (Guzman), some of Mayron’s jealous on-court buddies, an unsavory merchandising hustler (Kane), and even Mayron’s own father.  Drawing closer to the murky truth, multiple retaliatory homicides finds Hammer and his protégé, Nick Farrell (Conrad), in the ensuing crossfire.

Mike Hammer: Stacy Keach

Velda: Shannon Whirry

Nick Farrell: Shane Conrad

Deputy Mayor Barry Lawrence: Kent Williams (appears in the title credits only)

NYPD (35th Precinct) Capt. Skip Gleason: Peter Jason

Maya Ricci: Malgosia Tomassi (Keach’s real-life spouse)

Blue Davis: Joe Bays

Mayron Hughes: Malcolm Ian Cross

Norrie Hughes: Conroy Gideon

Susan Wake: Alecia Guzman

Raheem: Mongo Brown Lee

Desmond: Billy Kane

Elvin Grace: Josef Cannon

Eddie Thomas: Fitz Houston

Jeff King: Uncredited

Joe McDonald (radio host – voice only): Uncredited

Street Thugs: Uncredited

Gleason’s Uniformed Cops: Uncredited

Susan’s Photographer: Uncredited

Photo Shoot Extras: Uncredited

Yoga Class Extras: Uncredited

Bar Extras: Uncredited

Police Station Extras: Uncredited

Gym Extras: Uncredited

Chinese Restaurant Extras: Uncredited

‘The Face:’ Rebekah Chaney (uncredited).

Notes:  Curiously, this syndicated version of Mike Hammer isn’t a sequel to the 1984-87 CBS-TV series.  Case in point: besides Kent Williams’ character going by a slightly different name, the role of ‘Velda’ has been re-imagined and recast with a younger actress.  More so, unlike Keach’s prior version, the mysterious ‘Face’ forever eluding Hammer is teased yet never resolved. 

REVIEW:

Even without a network TV budget, 56-year-old Stacy Keach’s Mike Hammer is still watchable – well, sort of.  The same, unfortunately, doesn’t much apply to the episode itself.  Aside from Peter Jason’s fun police buddy, Keach’s youthful, on-screen sidekicks (Shannon Whirry & Shane Conrad) appear strictly as eye candy. 

Suffice to say, both this cast’s somewhat amateurish acting and the clichéd script heats up to only lukewarm.  At least, this episode deserves some credit for not resorting to some of its favorite tawdry gimmicks: scantily-clad women and unnecessary sex scenes for plot filler. As for this script’s whodunnit factor, it barely rates a ‘2’ on a 0-10 scale.  “Hoop Nightmares” is undemanding late-night fare, as viewers will forget about it long before morning.  

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                         3½ Stars

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HOUSTON KNIGHTS: NORTH OF THE BORDER (Season 1: Episode 2)

SUMMARY:      APPROX.  RUNNING TIME: 45:00 Min.

First airing March 18, 1987, on CBS-TV, Michael Vejar directed this episode off a script from Clyde Phillips & Stan Berkowitz.  As established in the pilot episode, fiery Chicago cop Sgt. Joey La Fiamma (Paré), due to a mob vendetta, has been recently transferred to Houston’s police department.  Acclimating to this humid environment, La Fiamma is occasionally at odds with his new partner, the cool-tempered Sgt. Levon Lundy (Beck), under the supervision of Lt. Beaumont (Douglass)

In the Mexican border town of Matamoros, slimy criminal defense attorney Farnum (Albert) sadistically {off-screen} kills a young prostitute, Lotus (Uncredited).  Local cop Gutierrez (Figueroa) and a blackmailing pimp (Meléndez) pursue Farnum back to Houston, as both are seeking payback for different reasons.  Despite intense friction with a vengeful Gutierrez, Sgts. La Fiamma and Lundy eventually pivot towards whom the real threat to public safety is.

Meanwhile, aside from her exasperation overseeing Lundy & La Fiamma’s troubled investigation, Lt. Beaumont copes with marital problems. She also personally knows the one vital witness who may be able to help bring a ruthless Farnum to justice.

Houston Police Sgt. Joey La Fiamma: Michael Paré

Houston Police Sgt. Levon Lundy: Michael Beck

Clarence (aka ‘Chicken’): John Hancock

Houston Police Lt. Joanne Beaumont: Robyn Douglass

Houston Police Capt. James Scully: James Hampton (appears in title credits only)

Lester Farnum: Edward Albert

Sgt. Estaban Gutierrez: Efram Figueroa

Serpiente: Tonyo Meléndez

Katie Loomis / Katie Pettybone: Doran Clark

Tommy Pettybone: Uncredited

Katie & Tommy’s Young Son: Uncredited

Brad Beaumont: Uncredited

Medical Examiner (Thurgood): Ron Pinkard

Officer Mallory: Richard Partlow

Bartender: Uncredited

Mexican American Prostitute (Houston): Uncredited

Farnum’s Client: Uncredited

Police Plainclothes Interrogator: Uncredited

Nurse: Uncredited

Various Cops: Uncredited

Extras (Matamoros): Uncredited

Extras (Pool Hall): Uncredited

Extras (Bar): Uncredited

Extras (Hospital): Uncredited

Extras (Public Park): Uncredited

Note: Beginning as a mid-season replacement, this 1987-88 CBS TV series last 1½ seasons.  Houston Knights was produced by co-creator Jay Bernstein, who had previously supplied Stacy Keach’s Mike Hammer to CBS.

REVIEW:

As evidenced by this early episode, Houston Knights is a 1980’s moody-and-macho TV cop show relic that could have lasted a measly five episodes or just maybe even go a full season before cancellation.  Given the show’s generic cops-on-the-edge content, ultimately surviving for a total of 31 episodes proves a better network run than expected.       

Clearly meant to chase Miami Vice’s demographic, “North of the Border” turns up the ‘moody and macho cop’ quotient to nearly a full PG-13 blast – mostly through grim inferences and some surprising profanity (at least, by 1987’s prime-time standards). 

With Michael Paré and Michael Beck’s mismatched partners as a prime example, a decent cast, otherwise, inhabits familiar genre caricatures.  Paré’s one-dimensional La Fiamma, in particular, falls far short of imitating shades of Miami Vice’s Don Johnson. Beck’s low-key acting, by comparison, is more believable, but he, too, isn’t really given enough of a character to work with.

Still, this episode isn’t half-bad viewing, as far as pitching some gritty plot twists. In fact, the last of which is so blatantly illegal, in terms of abusing police custody, it’s the less said the better. This speaks to the storyline’s inherent problem: the plot isn’t nearly watchable enough to overcome all its implausibilities.   

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                       4 Stars

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MATT HOUSTON: WHOSE PARTY IS IT ANYWAY? (Season 1: Episode 14)

SUMMARY:                       RUNNING TIME: 49:11 Min.

First airing on ABC-TV on January 23, 1983, Cliff Bole directed this mid-season episode off Larry Forrester’s script. The TV series’ flashy premise depicts the 30-ish, mustachioed Matt Houston (Horsley) as the son of a wealthy Texas oil tycoon. Loosely supervising his family’s vast business holdings from Los Angeles, the ruggedly suave Houston, otherwise, spends his free time as a freelance private investigator.

In this instance, per an unexpected telegram from his boss, Houston’s chief assistant, Murray (Wyner), has hurriedly prepped a posh cocktail party. The party is to be held at the Houston Building’s L.A. penthouse suite on a Sunday night. 

The esteemed guests consist of a top-caliber electronics genius (Brophy); an Indian Maharaja; a wealthy British aristocratic couple (Rush & Mulhare); and a high-profile actress/racecar driver (Stevens).  They are, of course, all expecting to commence lucrative business with Houston, Inc. Arriving last by helicopter, Houston and his attorney, C.J. (Hensley), are under the impression that Murray has summoned them for evening cocktails with the U.S. Vice President. 

Comparing fake telegrams, Houston, C.J., Murray, and their guests quickly realize that they have been collectively duped.  Worse yet, Houston’s penthouse suite has now been electronically sealed off, with all communications disabled.  Even the helicopter and C.J.’s reliable computer system have been cleverly booby-trapped. 

As their unknown captor taunts them with enigmatic video clues, Houston figures that someone among them must be the culprit.  Evidently targeted for vengeance, one suspect after another meets sudden death.  Given the ongoing hints, Houston must decipher the mystery re: what common denominator from five years ago links them all together.

Note: Late in the story, Houston recalls a past airport read that vaguely resembles Agatha Christie’s suspense novel, And Then There Were None.  Still, a specific plot twist he mentions off-hand – the order of victims among which the culprit pretends to be dead – implies that Houston had merely read somebody else’s copycat version.   

Meanwhile, at his young son’s First Communion party, LAPD Lt. Vince Novelli (Aprea) and Houston’s Texan buddies (Brinegar & Fimple) are increasingly concerned over Houston’s no-show.  Houston thinks a worried Novelli will be his much-needed back-up plan, but it might not work out that way.

Matt Houston: Lee Horsley

C.J. Parsons: Pamela Hensley

Lt. Vince Novelli: John Aprea

Murray Chase: George Wyner (a recurring series guest star before becoming a regular cast member)

Bo: Dennis Fimple

Lamar Pettybone: Paul Brinegar

Mama Rosa Novelli: Penny Santon

Joey Novelli: R.J. Williams

Maureen (Murray’s assistant): Megan Dunphy

Pam (Murray’s assistant): Cis Rundle

Durwin Dunlap: Kevin Brophy

Clover McKenna: Stella Stevens

Lady Celeste Abercrombie: Barbara Rush

(Brigadier) Sir James Malcolm Abercrombie: Knight Rider’s Edward Mulhare

Carl (LAPD officer): Richard Pierson

Maharaja: Uncredited

Brogan: Brett Halsey

Communion party guests: Uncredited

Additional Extras (in video news clips): Uncredited.

Trivia Note: After his Robert Urich-headlining Vega$ TV series was canceled in 1981, producers Aaron Spelling & Pamela Hensley’s husband, E. Duke Vincent, opted to replace Urich’s Dan Tanna a year later with another prime-time private detective: Lee Horsley’s Matt Houston. Just like Vega$, Matt Houston ran three seasons on ABC-TV prior to its own cancellation.

REVIEW:

What had once been legitimate shock value for mystery fans forty years before is crassly reduced by Matt Houston to pure ‘shlock value.’ If one has already surmised that the ridiculous script is a hackneyed (and unacknowledged) rip-off of Agatha Christie’s iconic And Then There Were None, then this episode’s silly plot twists won’t be much of a surprise. Yet, between a young Lee Horsley’s machismo – think early 80’s Tom Selleck, Texas-style (as opposed to acting talent) and a decent ensemble cast, this middling caper isn’t all half-bad.

Its major fault is that the clichéd premise is far too contrived in its execution – pardon the expression.  For instance, even the world’s greatest electronics/munitions expert (in 1983, no less) couldn’t possibly have rigged so many death trap gizmos, video displays, etc. in a mere afternoon undetected, at least, not single-handedly. Furthering such implausibility, one will be annoyed by a recurring electronic sound effect evidently recycled from 60’s-70’s cheapo sci-fi TV – supposedly, it’s the villain’s super-computer preparing for more deadly fun and games. 

Second, aside from astounding luck, two of the script’s ‘homicides’ would be impossible to pull off, in terms of timing and/or accuracy.  The less the said of one expendable character’s miraculous point-blank stabbing by a saber that just been discarded on the floor several feet away moments earlier the better.

A third (it’s cheap plot filler) is a laughably excessive catfight/fistfight between Stella Stevens’ and Barbara Rush’s stunt doubles.  Once finally depicting the actual actresses again, their immaculate hairdos, expensive dresses, and make-up appear barely disheveled.  The list of ridiculous plot holes could go on, but this mystery’s biggest wince belongs to Houston’s ultra-convenient recollection finally recognizing the players’ common link. There’s really no logic to his sudden deduction, given how often the wealthy Houston has claimed he’s baffled by their common enemy’s elusive identity. 

Ultimately, the sole asset of this dubious episode is still worth consideration. In spite of such a cliché-fest posing as a script, some credit goes to an entertaining cast, who even deliver a few comedy relief gags.  Viewers, in that sense, aren’t likely to fall asleep during this cheesy whodunnit. As a matter of practicality, though, the number of times one’s eyes will be rolling ought to provide sufficient exercise.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                   3 Stars

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WCW U.S. CHAMPION “THE TOTAL PACKAGE” LEX LUGER VS. SID VICIOUS (WCW WorldWide: Taped 1-28-1991)

SUMMARY:         APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 14:10 Min.

Taped at The Civic Center, in Dothan, Alabama, on January 28, 1991, this match subsequently aired on the syndicated WCW WorldWide TV series on March 2, 1991.  On one side is the Four Horsemen’s maniacal Sid Vicious, who has gleefully been sending defenseless jobbers (preliminary competition) out on stretchers, supposedly for weeks.  Facing Vicious is the four-time NWA/WCW U.S. Champion, “The Total Package” Lex Luger, who, by comparison, is a WCW ‘super-hero.’

Ringside commentators Tony Schiavone and Gordon Solie are skeptical that Luger will succumb to such sadistic bullying from Vicious.  

REVIEW:

Despite the spotty backstage reputations of the two players involved, this brawl between WCW’s two biggest musclemen is still enjoyable.  Specifically, to their joint credit, neither one appears to be sleepwalking through their choreography. 

While the match is indeed routine down to the count-out finish, one receives a mildly amusing twist at the end.  This archived WCW TV bout, suffice to say, is worth at least one viewing.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                     5 Stars

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WCW U.S. CHAMPION “THE TOTAL PACKAGE” LEX LUGER VS. BARRY WINDHAM (WCW Main Event: Taped 9-3-1990)

SUMMARY:      APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 10:22 Min.

Taped on September 3, 1990, at the Georgia Mountains Center, in Gainesville, Georgia, this WCW Main Event title match subsequently aired on September 9, 1990.  Popular three-time WCW U.S. Champion “The Total Package” Lex Luger is challenged by his perennial rival/ex-partner: Barry Windham of the Four Horsemen.  The match commentator is Jim Ross.  

REVIEW:

Aside from Windham’s ponytail and an unusual leering grin (as if he is trying to project sadistic cockiness), there is little, if anything, that is memorable to see here.  Both Luger and Windham deliver watchable work concocting a count-out finish, but they have certainly mustered better showdowns elsewhere.

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                  5½ Stars

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NWA U.S. CHAMPION “THE TOTAL PACKAGE” LEX LUGER VS. BARRY WINDHAM (WITH HIRO MATSUDA) (NWA House Show: Taped February or March 1989)

SUMMARY:     APPROX. RUNNING TIME: 12:32 Min.

After the NWA/WCW’s Chi-Town Rumble Pay-Per-View on February 20, 1989, “The Total Package” Lex Luger had become a two-time U.S. Champion at ex-partner Barry Windham’s expense.  This house show re-match has Windham (one of two Horsemen managed by Hiro Matsuda – the other being Ric Flair) seeking vengeance upon Luger. 

The specific date and location of this title match are unclear; one possibility is that it transpired on March 18, 1989 at the Capital Centre in Landover, Maryland.  Ultimately, Windham departed the NWA/WCW in March 1989 once his contract expired. 

There is not an official match commentator.      

REVIEW:

As a kid-friendly, formulaic title defense, this Luger/Windham match-up delivers all the necessary goods.  Luger, in that regard, puts on a good show as one of the NWA/WCW’s elite ‘super-heroes.’ 

More so, this bout’s entertainment value readily surpasses Luger & Windham’s lackadaisical 1991 Great American Bash cage match for the vacant WCW World Championship.  Even if Windham was simply biding time days before leaving the company, his ‘average’ here is still better than most of his contemporaries.     

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                     7 Stars

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UWF BLACKJACK BRAWL (MGM Grand Garden Arena: Aired 9-23-1994)

SUMMARY:        RUNNING TIME: 1 Hour, 56 Min.

In 1990 (as this show repetitively reminds viewers before each match with an UWF title card), Herb Abrams founded his short-lived Universal Wrestling Federation.  After the abject failure of 1991’s UWF Beach Brawl Pay-Per-View, this event held at the MGM Grand Garden Arena, in Las Vegas, Nevada, was the promotion’s last gasp on September 23, 1994.  An estimated 300 to 600 fans were purportedly in attendance. 

Aired live on cable by the UWF’s financial backer, SportsChannel America, the Blackjack Brawl (projected as the first of a trilogy) would consist of eleven bouts.  Of them, nine are title matches – most of which were either vacant or newly created championships.

Stationed at ringside are commentators John Tolos and Carlo Gianelli, along with Abrams and the event’s namesake, “Blackjack” Mulligan, conducting post-match interviews.  Steve Rossi is the show’s long-winded ring announcer.  Of note, several WWF and WCW veterans provide the bulk of Blackjack Brawl’s in-ring talent. 

The card is as follows:     

  1. “Dangerous” Dan Spivey vs. Johnny Ace (with Missy Hyatt) for the inaugural UWF Americas Championship (7:20).

2. Mando Guerrero vs. “Wildman” Jack Armstrong for the inaugural UWF Junior Heavyweight Championship (4:36).

3. Sunny Beach vs. Dr. Feelgood (with Missy Hyatt) for the vacant UWF SportsChannel TV Championship (5:26).

4. UWF Southern States Champion Bob Orton Jr. vs. Finland “Hellraiser” Thor {aka the WWF’s Ludvig Borga} (6:12).

Note: Exactly why a Southern States title is being defended in the Nevada desert is anyone’s guess.

5. Karate Kid vs. Little Tokyo for the inaugural UWF Midget World Title (7:33).

6. Sampson vs. Irish Assassin (4:13).

Note: Billed from ‘Greece,’ Sampson replaces ‘Hercules.’  It’s not specified if the UWF’s no-show ‘Hercules’ is the same wrestler previously employed by the WWF.

7/ Tyler “The Lion” Mane vs. Steve “The Wild Thing” Ray for the inaugural UWF MGM Grand Championship (7:25).

Note: Mane subsequently played Victor Creed/Sabretooth in 2000’s first X-Men film.

8. Tina Moretti {aka the WWF’s Ivory} vs. Candi Devine/Divine for the vacant UWF Women’s World Championship (3:26).

9. The Killer Bees: Jim Brunzell & B. Brian Blair vs. The New Powers of Pain: Warlord & Power Warrior (with David Power) for the inaugural UWF World Tag Team Championship (11:49).

10. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs. Cactus Jack {aka Mick Foley}in a lumberjack match (9:03).

Lumberjacks: Among them are the Warlord; The Power Twins; the Killer Bees; Dr. Feelgood; Sunny Beach; & Steve Ray.

11. UWF World Champion “Dr. Death” Steve Williams (with Johnny Ace) vs. “Malicious” Sid Vicious (with Dan Spivey) (11:01).

Note: To clarify, Abrams’ UWF is unrelated to the same-named Mid-South/UWF promotion that Bill Watts owned the mid-80’s. Ironically, Williams was the final World Champion for both incarnations. 

REVIEW:

One might as well deem the UWF Blackjack Brawl as a pitiful Pay-Per-View wanna-be.  Case in point: the show’s dubious reputation in pro wrestling history demonstrates why upper mid-card big league stars will carry a glorified indie promotion only so far.  More so, the UWF’s ultra-cheap production values are left glaringly exposed in a ritzy venue like the MGM Grand Garden Arena. 

Aside from dreadful performances by long-time valet Hyatt and Abrams himself, the match quality is mostly just forgettable.   Specifically,

  1. Spivey vs. Johnny Ace – with Missy Hyatt.

Rating: 4 Stars.  What stands out most is the match’s trifecta of bleached blondes.  Aside from a quirky twist finish, the back-and-forth ground game between two uninspired WCW veterans is a bore.

2. Mando Guerrero vs. “Wildman” Jack Armstrong.

Rating: 3 Stars.  Given how the unknown Armstrong contributes virtually nothing here, it’s a shame how Guerrero is disrespected.  Such mistreatment includes the commentators’ culturally racist jibes and even an on-screen typo badly misspelling Guerrero’s name.

3. Sunny Beach vs. Dr. Feelgood – with  Missy Hyatt.

Rating: 3 Stars.  Playing a trashy femme fatale, Hyatt’s lazy effort gives all wrestling valets a bad name.  This bout’s blah wrestling is only worsened by an amateurish post-match skirmish.

4. UWF Southern States Champion Bob Orton Jr. vs. Finland “Hellraiser” Thor.

Rating: 5 Stars.  With a bloodied Orton taking nasty blows, this brawl is somehow watchable.

5. Karate Kid vs. Little Tokyo.

Rating: 5 Stars.  One amusing sequence is inspired: specifically, one wrestler hides behind the referee while the other unknowingly continues their ring crisscross.  Bolstered by Karate Kid’s slick athleticism, this bout is better than expected.

6. Sampson vs. Irish Assassin.

Rating: 3 Stars.  In a rudimentary clash of anonymous powerlifters, this bout is instantly forgettable. 

7. Tyler Mane vs. Steve Ray.

Rating: 5 Stars.  Aside from Mane’s plushy lion’s head poncho, it’s a decent effort.  Vibe-wise, one may find Ray & Mane’s straight-forward choreography reminiscent of mid-80’s World Class Championship Wrestling.  Suffice to say, both young participants exhibit some raw star potential.

8. Tina Moretti vs. Candi Devine/Divine.

Rating: 6 Stars.  Despite the show’s shortest running time, Devine/Divine & Moretti (aka Ivory) efficiently execute their bout.  Their choreography, in that sense, is a throwback to the classy mid-80’s.  

9. Killer Bees (Jim Brunzell & B. Brian Blair) vs. The New Powers of Pain (Warlord & Power Warrior) – with David Power.

Rating: N/A.  Except for a clip found elsewhere of the Bees’ title win, no footage of this tag match could be located.

10. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs. Cactus Jack (aka Mick Foley).

Rating: 4 Stars.  Only predictable ringside chaos keeps this slow-pitch brawl from being an utter disappointment.

11. “Dr. Death” Steve Williams – with Johnny Ace vs. “Malicious” Sid Vicious – with Dan Spivey.

Rating: 7½ Stars.  As Vicious counters the reliable Williams with a solid performance displaying actual wrestling, their slugfest delivers the necessary goods.  Spelled out by Abrams afterwards, the cheap finish is meant to provoke a steel cage rematch that never happened.  In general, this main event’s brawny star power easily surpasses the rest of the program.

The intriguing Williams/Vicious main event receives far too little help from the undercard – in other words, the finale is sabotaged by a prior overload of mind-numbing title matches. 

As middling as the UWF Blackjack Brawl is, one vital ingredient absent is the genuine spark emanating from a second and preferably game-changing thriller.  One could imagine the possibilities, if any two of these ex-NWA/WCW free agents had participated: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, “Ravishing” Rick Rude, Steve Austin, Nikita Koloff, Tully Blanchard, or Mulligan’s versatile son, Barry Windham. 

Presuming both players were both healthy and well-conditioned, any such match-up could have helped Williams & Vicious by igniting this show’s reputation with a second high-caliber showdown – without some meaningless championship at stake.  Instead, all fans get is a for-rent sales pitch from several journeymen seeking future gigs with either the WWF or WCW. 

Reminiscent of the fading AWA and World Class promotions of the Late 80’s, it’s inevitable that one good slugfest can’t save the UWF Blackjack Brawl from pro wrestling’s dustbin. 

BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING:                    3½ Stars

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