Revisiting the Police Academy movie franchise, Odd Moon Media Reviews offers a candid assessment. Deeming their box office numbers as irrelevant, our consideration is based on a film’s watchability. These movies will be ranked in reverse order.
ANALYSIS:
7. Police Academy 6: City Under Siege 84 Min. (1989). Considering the weak premise, the film’s shortage of laughs is so anemic that even insomniacs may find themselves dozing off during a 2:00 A.M. cable-TV binge. The one scene depicting actual character progression is a brief glimpse of Tackleberry’s home life as a dad, along with his befuddled father-in-law. Unmistakably, Siege falls far short of justifying its existence – even if it had been peddled as a made-for-cable film (which it resembles).
6. Police Academy: Mission to Moscow 83 Min. (1994). Whittling the franchise’s original cast down to George Gaynes, Michael Winslow, David Graf, Leslie Easterbrook, & G.W. Bailey, this feeble curiosity is for hard-core fans only. One wonders if this seventh movie was really more a contractual obligation (or maybe even a tax write-off). The sole reason that it gains an edge over the insipid Siege would be its goodwill intentions filming on location in Russia.
5. Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol 88 Min. (1987). Yes, it’s notoriously stupid as one of the worst films ever produced. The franchise’s ensemble cast merely show up for their paychecks, and that’s not even its worst problem. There are virtually zero laughs … and far, far too much screen time showcasing Bobcat Goldthwait’s ‘Zed’ and the movie’s latest recruits (i.e. Sharon Stone & David Spade, among them).
Inevitably, the consequence is that regulars, such as Michael Winslow, Bubba Smith, Leslie Easterbrook, and Marion Ramsey, have nothing to do in their minimal screen time. Aside from a naughty ‘Harris’ and ‘Proctor’ wordplay gag early on, the sole other chuckle (unintentional, of course) is found in the closing credits where Tony Hawk is revealed as Spade’s skateboarding double.
It’s tempting to reconsider Citizens On Patrol as this list’s rock-bottom. Yet, the two putrid sequels listed behind it prove even more unwatchable.
4. Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment 87 Min. (1985). Boosting the franchise’s regular cast, adding reliable pros Howard Hesseman, Colleen Camp, and Art Metrano can’t surpass the middling, low-grade script. Keeping that dubious thought in mind, First Assignment occasionally hints it could have been a better comedy than its sorry reputation makes it out to be. This first sequel, if only for consistency’s sake, just needed to crank out more genuine laughs.
3. Police Academy 3: Back in Training 83 Min. (1986). Aside from racing multiple laps around the same lake (presumably, Lake Ontario) during the climatic boat chase, this one is closest in spirit to the original film. Unsurprisingly, it’s practically a semi-remake, with some fresh faces (i.e. Shawn Weatherly) and familiar carryovers (Bobcat Goldthwait, Tim Kazurinsky, Debralee Scott, & Andrew Paris) joining in. For some reliable, low-brow humor, Back in Training is worth catching for late night viewing.
2. Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach 90 Min. (1988). Blandly replacing Steve Guttenberg’s Mahoney, Matt McCoy’s casting (as Sgt. Nick Lassard) isn’t a dealbreaker. Appearing inspired, the franchise’s cast conjures up enough of a difference compensating for Guttenberg’s absence (which the script doesn’t even bother to explain). If anything, the film’s cartoony heist shenanigans, not to mention a welcome change in scenery, makes Miami Beach an all-ages guilty pleasure.
In a non-shocker, standing at No. 1 is:
Police Academy 96 Min. (1984). The original film isn’t Stripes or Caddyshack, but it still surpasses other raunchy ‘80s comedies (i.e., Porky’s). Deserving their due, the franchise’s ongoing cast (particularly Michael Winslow & Steve Guttenberg) is in vintage form. In that sense, the first Police Academy delivers the necessary laughs at the right moments.
Note: As a double-feature option, we recommend 1987’s spoofy Dragnet starring Dan Ackroyd & Tom Hanks.
