SUMMARY: RUNNING TIME: 1 Hour, 29 Min.
In 1979, Rastar Films released director Hal Needham’s cartoony spoof playing up classic Western genre clichés. Set sometime and somewhere in the Old West, rancher Parody Jones (Martin) badly needs a loan for his struggling ranch. He sends his beguiling daughter (and she knows it), Charming (Margret), off to a frontier town to collect a much-needed loan from the local banker, Avery Simpson (Elam).
Yet, the unscrupulous banker wants to keep the money for himself, not to mention the Jones ranch upon foreclosure. After bungling an overnight bank heist in the same town, notorious “Cactus” Jack Slade (Douglas) faces either an imminent hanging, or he can secretly work for Simpson.
Specifically, Charming and her ultra-dense bodyguard, Handsome Stranger (Schwarzenegger) are traveling cross-country by wagon through the desert back to her family’s ranch. To earn his fee from Simpson, all a down-on-his-luck Slade has to do is rob them during this journey. Shadowing the ornery Slade is another of Simpson’s inept cohorts: Native American Chief Nervous Elk (Lynde), who has brought along a horde of marauders from his tribe.
With the help of his frisky horse, Whiskey (the smarter half of this outlaw duo), Slade pulls out all the stops trying to intercept his intended quarry. Meanwhile, Charming tries her best seducing her oblivious protector.
“Cactus” Jack Slade: Kirk Douglas
Handsome Stranger: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Charming Jones: Ann-Margret
‘Whiskey’: Ott the Horse
Avery Simpson: Jack Elam
Parody Jones: Strother Martin
Damsel in Distress: Ruth Buzzi
Nervous Elk: Paul Lynde
Mashing Finger: Robert Tessier
Bank Clerk: Foster Brooks
Telegraph Agent: Mel Tillis
Sheriff: Jan Eddy
Train Conductor: Mel Todd
Bartender: Jim Anderson
Saloon Crowd: Laura Liza Sommers, Ed Little, Dick Dickinson, & Richard Brewer
Townspeople: Uncredited
Nervous Elk’s Raiders: Uncredited
Notes: Tillis also performs the title song. Interestingly, this comedy offers the rare sights of seeing both Lynde (in a politically incorrect role) and Schwarzenegger riding on horseback.
REVIEW:
This wacky, live-action Hal Needham cartoon tries to be the next Blazing Saddles, with its obvious homages to Chuck Jones’ classic Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote gags. Despite the plot’s inability to reach its potential, reliable veterans Kirk Douglas and Ann-Margret, at least, are game trying to make the best of this comedy-Western misfire.
The unavoidable obstacle, however, is that they can’t overcome such weak storytelling, let alone jokes (too many off-color) that fall flat … just like Slade often does. Case in point: the movie’s finale abruptly shifts into the closing credits without even resolving the evil banker sub-plot. This omission spells out that Needham’s movie is merely settling for a series of hit-or-miss gags vs. concocting an actual story.
If there’s any hilarious incentive/guilty pleasure to see The Villain (aside from perusing one of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s earliest roles), then it’s the fact that Ott the Horse (aka ‘Whiskey’) steals this movie from Douglas several times over. Suffice to say, he’s a far better thief that the moronic “Cactus” Jack Slade.
BRIAN’S ODD MOON RATING: 3½ Stars
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